


New Moon of the Dark Kingdom - Part 2

by sublimeperfectionland



Series: Twilight of the Dark Kingdom [4]
Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-08 19:56:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 21,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12871884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sublimeperfectionland/pseuds/sublimeperfectionland





	1. For Big Daddy

[Scene: Modern times in a trashed out foreclosure in Hen Tie, Washington. A teenager in workgloves, goggles, and mylar coveralls is holding a soldering iron next to a silvery crystal wrapped in fiber optic cables, while her brother watches in a similar outfit, a safe distance away.]

[She groans, sets down the soldering iron and pulls off her goggles]

El: This is useless, I need to be able to see what I'm doing.

[She pulls off the gloves and picks up the soldering iron]

Dev: El. No! Put your gloves back on! It's too dangerous! That crystal is pure concentrated light magic and we're made of pure evil. One touch and you go poof.

El: It would be more dangerous with the gloves on. It would be like doing neurosurgery with a butter knife.

[Dev pulls off his own goggles and gloves, standing behind his sister so she can't see him biting his nails in terror.]

El: [Brings the soldering close to the crystal] Just remember. We're doing this for Daddy.

Dev: You're doing this for Daddy. I'm doing this for you.

[El smiles at him over her shoulder and a split second before that he crosses his arms over his chest and gives her an aloof expression. When she turns back around, he goes back to biting his nails.]

El: You're not doing this for Daddy? This whole thing was your idea in the first place.

Dev: Need I remind you how that big lug crushed my skull in?

El: Yeah? Well, you started it.

Dev: [Jaw drops] I was trying to protect you!

El: [solders with a sly grin in her face] And you succeeded. Great job.

Dev: Don't mock me, dear sister. The only thing I succeed in was having my head stomped in.

El: You succeed in being so cute and lovable that Big Daddy felt really bad about hurting you, and decided to adopt us.

Dev: Conscript us into being his pawns against Metallia, you mean. And that had nothing to do with me having my skull crushed and everything to do with you charming him with your feminine wiles.

El: [giggles and pulls the soldering iron away from the crystal] Please, it's not safe for me to laugh right now.

Dev: [claps his hands over his mouth] Sorry. I'll shut up now.

El: No. Please keep talking. Your voice keeps me calm. [smiles and holds the soldering iron off to the side] Remember the first time Big Daddy gave us a bath?

Dev: [laughs] Oh my god. Like it was yesterday. It was like trying to wash a pair of rabid honey badgers.

El: [smirking] He made that tub up so cute for us. With all those bubbles, and the bath toys, and the scrub brushes, and the bottles of baby shampoo, and the water just the perfect temperature…

Dev: And we'd never been so terrified of anything in our lives.

[They are both laughing now]

El: No sooner did he manage to dip one of our feet into the tub than we'd bite and scratch and try to claw our way up to the ceiling.

Dev: Meanwhile the other one took off screaming and tried to escape.

El: [shaking her head as she chuckles] He was so patient with us-

Dev: At first-

El: It's a good thing we couldn't understand the kind of language he was using back then.

Dev: Oh…I seem to recall his meaning was clear enough from his tone of voice.

El: Could you image if one of us got out of house? Not sure how he would have explained all that to the neighbors without them demanding he serve a lengthy prison sentence.

Dev: Oh, I think once we started *eating* those neighbors, it would have shifted their sympathies back to him pretty quickly.

El: Eventually he just had to pitch us both in into the tub, then seal us in with magic until we tired ourselves out trying to escape.

Dev: Poor bathtub…but after he scrubbed us off and combed all the tangles out of our hair, I couldn't believe how pretty we looked with our porcelain pink skin and our long flaxen blond hair and our cute little matching twinsie outfits, and I knew this guy couldn't be all bad.

El: I wonder why he wasted all the time and energy trying to make us take a bubble bath? Why he didn't use magic to hose us off with?

Dev: Because he was trying to train us to pass ourselves off as real human children.

[The twins stop laughing abruptly and their faces become somber as they heave a sad sigh]

El: [goes back to work with the soldering iron] Almost done. One last spot… Done. [lowers the crystal assembly into what looks like a bazooka then turns to face her brother] There, was that so bad?

Dev: Not at all. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go into the bathroom and vomit up a quart of blood from the perforated ulcer I just got from watching you work.

El: [Makes cooing noises as she hugs him] Oh, Dev, I'm sorry.

Dev: It's ok. Let's just hope this thing works.

[El backs away with her mouth slightly agape]

Dev: What?

El: It…never occurred to me this might not work…I…just assumed it would.

Dev: Oh well. I have 100% faith in you.

El: Really? 100% Because I've calculated our odds at about 50%.

Dev: 50%?

El: [grins and winks] This either works, or it doesn't.

Dev: [grins and clasps her face between his hands] Oh, you naughty little minx, using my faulty grasp of higher mathematics against me like that.

[El looks up at the clock and her face falls]

El: Oh, no. I'm going to be late.

Dev: [looks at the clock and is startled too but frowns at his sister] For what?

El: I promised a friend I'd drop by to help her study.

Dev: That's great. I was hoping to do some research at the library.

El: What kind of research?

Dev: The boring kind. What other kind is there?

El: Ok, well don't get too bored…

[They morph into jeans and t-shirts and leave, walking in opposite directions, then glance back to makes sure they are out of sight of the other. El morphs her outfit into a pretty red dress, makeup, and strappy ankle bootlets while Dev morphs his into a zoot suit. Then they both teleport away.]


	2. Bond Girl

[Scene: The Hen Tie High gym, which has been taken over as the site of the 60th annual Hie Ten Swing Dance competition.]

[Makoto Kino sits in a folding metal chair and watches the dancers warm up, practicing their moves before the event. She wishes she was out there with them. She should be out there with them. She was Hen Tie's undefeated junior dance champion for five years in a row.]

[But that was before she grew two feet over the course of one summer, gained eighty pounds, and had to trade in her dance shoes for football cleats.]

[Still...hope springs eternal so she still dresses up. In the hopes that one of the boys she used to dance with would go through a similar growth spurt, and offer to lead her back into their glory days. She sighs wistfully as she watches the dancers, with her elbows on her rose printed swing dress with mint green petticoats and her chin on her fists.]

Dev: Excuse me. [He points to the chair next to her] is anyone sitting here?

[Makoto pushes the chair toward him, assuming he intends to drag it over to someone else.]

Makoto: No, you can take it.

[Dev pushes the chair back against hers, and then sits next to her. Makoto focuses on the dancers to keep from blushing at the sight of his bright blue eyes and the sound of his British accent.]

Dev: I thought I might find you here-I've heard rumors that you are a really good dancer.

Makoto: I was. At one time.

[Dev follows her gaze to look at the dancers] You should be up there with them, practicing for the competition.

Makoto: I don't have a partner.

Dev: You do now.

[Makoto looks away from the dancers, not bothering to hide her blush now]

Makoto: Are you serious?

Dev: Why would I come all the way over here in this monkey suit and make such an offer unless I am serious?

[Makoto doesn't know what to say to that]

Dev: [stands and offers his hand] Come, let's put our names in.

[Makoto takes his hand and blushes furiously as they walk up to a man seated behind a table with a clipboard.]

Man: [writing] Makoto kino. [to Dev] And you?

Dev: [deadpan] Last name, Bond. First name, James.

[Makoto covers her mouth to hide her giggles.]

Man: Oh, really?

Dev: [deadpan] That's what it says on my driver's license.

Man: Aren't you the new high transfer student from England?

Dev: [Gets out his wallet and hands him a driver's license] I have been told I do have a double.

[Man looks back and forth between Dev and the card and then hands it back]

Man: Fine. You two are number 34...Can I call you Jim?

Dev: I prefer Mr. Bond.

[Dev offers his arm to Makoto as they join the dancers]

Makoto: You have a fake id?

Dev: There is a perfectly logical explanation. I'm a bit of a juvenile delinquent.

Makoto: Then you should have picked a slightly more subtle name than 'James Bond.'

Dev: But then it wouldn't have looked as good on your trophy.

[The slow dance to get warmed up]

Dev: Admit it. Haven't you always wanted to be a Bond Girl?

[Makoto sizes up Dev. He's a couple of inches taller than she is, even in her low heels. But she still probably outweighs him by at at least thirty pounds.]

Makoto: I...think it might be safest if I lead.

Dev: I think I can manage. [lifts her into his arms and executes a series of complex lindy hop moves before setting her down again] I'm a lot stronger than I look.

Makoto: Wow. You're an amazing dancer!

Dev: Thank you. My father insisted we takes dance lesson from a very early age. He insisted it would help supplement our combat training.

Makoto: ...combat training?

Dev: I probably shouldn't mention this, but my father is fairly high up in the British secret service, and he's training us follow in his footsteps.

Makoto: So you really are James Bond.

Dev: [shrugs dismissively] Not if I have any say in this. My first love is music.

Makoto: So I've heard.

[They dance for a while, the moves coming naturally to them both]

Makoto: You said 'us'...so your sister Eleanor dances as well?

Dev: Like an angel.

Makoto: You seem very fond of her.

Dev: I am.

Makoto: [sad face] She doesn't seem to like me very much.

Dev: She doesn't seem to like anyone outside our immediate family, which suits me just fine, because I'm a very jealous person.

[Makoto stops dancing for a moment, and makes a show of being taken aback]

Dev: She's different at home. Our father is very stern, very morose guy, and I tend to get quiet and moody at time, but she brings all the light and joy into the house. Always finding cute little ways to make us laugh and smile with things get too dark. She's a total Daddy's Girl and he's putty in her hands, but there are time I wish the old man would just go away so I can have her all to myself.

Makoto: You...do realize this is your own sister you are talking about.

Dev: My twin sister. We share a soul. [sighs profoundly] Heaven help me if I ever get a girlfriend.

Makoto: Where can I pick up an application?

[Makes a show of being taken aback]

Dev: The job is yours if you want it.

Makoto: Are you serious.

Dev: Are you?

Makoto: YEAH I am.

Dev: Then I guess this means I'm your boyfriend.

[Makoto head is spinning and she feels a bit lightheaded]

Makoto: Oh, my god. This must be a dream.

Dev: Just keep in mind how jealous I am.

Makoto: I...really don't think that is going to be a problem for either one of us.

[Dev surveys the other dancers and isn't impressed with their talent right before the announcement to clear the floor and the competition starts.]

Dev: I think we've got this.

Makoto: I think so, too.

Dev: Then let's go win ourselves a trophy.


	3. The Victoria Plot

[Scene: The Hen Tie park theater. Gurio Umino and Eleanor Heltry are watching the last few minutes of the movie 'Back to the Future'. Or trying to, because the person sitting in front of Eleanor is talking on his cellphone.]

Umino: Could you keep it down? We are trying watch the movie.

[The guy stands up and turns to reveal 6'3" of pure muscle]

Guy: Did you say something, Pipsqueak?

Umino: Errr...no?

Guy: That's what I thought.

[He goes back to talking on his phone until El boots him in the back on the head]

El: Yes, he said 'Shut up, Jackass!'

[The man turns and stand and El jumps to her feet, getting in his face and snarling under her breath]

Guy: Damn. You're lucky you're cute. [Turns off his phone and sits down. El and Umino watch the rest of the movie then file out into the park then head toward the nearby Gelato stand.]

Umino: Will you allow me to buy you a gelato?

El: [scans board in the far distance] Lemon Oreo.

Umino: So...um... [pulls up the sleeve of his coat to read his wrist] What did you think of the movie?

El: I liked it. That was a good movie.

Umino: Oh, um... [checks his forearm] ...what did you like best about it?

El: I liked the fact that the father character was a social awkward creep, but he managed to find love anyway.

[Umino's jaw drops]

Umino: Are you sure you're real, and not some robot girlfriend prototype from Japan?

El: Are you saying I act like a robot?

Umino: No...I...um...it's just you're too perfect...I mean for me... I mean..not for me...I mean...You're tall and you're beautiful and you stand up to bullies and you design lasers... and...I... um..I better stop talking before I get myself into more trouble...

[El chuckles under her breath as Umino order. A cone with Lemon Oreo for her, and Chocolate Caramel with Gummi Worms for him.]

Umino: Um...looks at his arm...how is your gelato.

El: It's really good. Want to try some? [hold out the cone to him]

Umino: [red in the face] You'd let me lick your icecream?

El: How else are you going to taste it?

Umino: Don't you think that's a little gross?

El: [rolls her eyes] Honestly. What is the difference between this? [licks Umino's gelato] And this? [tries to kiss him on the lips]

Umino: WHOA! [backs away and tries to keep from fainting] I AM NOT READY FOR THAT.

El: What? It's just a kiss. I told you we aren't getting any farther than that.

Umino: Wow, you are like the creepiest girl I've ever met.

El: Is that bad?

Umino: Not to me. But I'm starting to realize what Naru meant when she complained about me all these years.

El: [grins] You really like her, don't you?

Umino: Yes, but I like you more.

El: [frowns] Don't say that. You don't have to like some creepy girl you barely know just because she asked you out of a date.

[Umino goes silent and eats his gelato, lost in thought]

El: So what did you think of the movie?

Umino: I couldn't get into it.

El: What! That was a classic feel good comedy! Lighthearted and fun. Nearly perfect. I give it five stars!

Umino: There were too many anachronisms and it just ruined it for me.

El: We just watched a movie about ordinary flesh and blood mortal humans folding and tearing their way through the interdimensional temporal fabric of the universe by driving an automobile, and you are hung up on things like what year Jonny B. Goode came out?

Umino: Um...that is a very oddly specific description of time travel...But in answer to your question, yes. Time travel, is impossible, so it doesn't bother me since it is complete fantasy, unlike the set pieces, which are real and easily researched.

El: Oh, really? Time travel is impossible? You seem oddly sure of yourself.

Umino: If time travel were possible, someone would have done it already.

El: How do you know they haven't?

Umino: Because if they did people would be going back and changing things constantly introducing paradoxes and everything would go haywire. For example, if I could travel back in time, what's to stop me from rewriting the Harry Potter series before J. K. Rowling and becoming a billionaire?

El: First of all, you can't travel through time because you would need to convert all your matter to energy, which you can't do, not without dying. Second of all, time travel requires godlike power, which you do not possess. And thirdly, if you did possess godlike power, I can't believe you'd waste it just to steal a bunch of children's stories away from their rightful creator.

Umino: [sweatdrops] I didn't say I'd do it. I was just throwing that out as an example.

El: Ok, what would you do?

Umino: I'd travel back to save the Great Library at Alexandria.

El: [chuckles] Now that would be a wasted trip.

Umino: Why?

El: Even if you figure out when exactly it burned, one lone teenager, unfamiliar with the landscape and language verses an entire army? It's just going to burn down anyway. People had been setting fire to the place for centuries. Arson was written into its destiny.

Umino: Destiny?

El: Destiny is like the gravity of time...(how do I put this into simple terms)...[sees a stream trickling nearby] Think of time like a river. It flows and ebbs but it doesn't not change it's course, since the river has carved itself into rock and soil.

Umino: The Butterfly Effect-

El: A butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil starts a hurricane in Texas? That is complete and utter nonsense. Time is a force of the universe, and forces of the universe are never fragile. You stand at a river and throw in a rock. The river swallows the rock and ripples a little. Maybe. But the rock just sinks like it was never there. You push in a boulder. Maybe you can see the boulder, but the river rushes around it, so its still the same river, but with a boulder in it. If you want to change the river you really have to do something major. Something the river just can't correct. But even then, you can't control the river, so more than likely, you and everything you care about will be swept away. Especially since its is against the laws of physics to be two places at once so you can't travel within your own lifetime. That is why the few beings who are capable of time travel simply don't bother.

Umino: You seem to have thought about this a lot.

El: I...write a lot of science fiction.

Umino: I'd like to read one some your stories.

El: No you wouldn't. My stories are not nice.

Umino: Oh. I still would like to read them. You have some interesting ideas.

El: Since we are speaking in purely hypothetical fantasy, if you could go back in time, and assassinate one person, who would you kill?

Umino: Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany.

El: [smiles] I'm impressed. Most people would say Hitler.

Umino: Without Kaiser Wilhelm II setting the stage for him by orchestrating the horrors of WWI, Adolf Hitler probably would have probably spent his life painting landscapes in jail. I would have said his Grandmother, Queen Victoria of England, but I couldn't bring myself to hurt a woman. Not even hypothetically.

El: But suppose you could. Suppose, you had a chance to make the world a better place by killing Queen Victoria and preventing her legacy of terror...

Umino: Um... I ...

El: Now imagine Queen Victoria is your great-great-great-grandmother.

[Umino looks at her and sees her face is deadly serious]

El: Imagine that stepping outside your timeline to stop her reign of evil will erase you and your brother completely out of existence.


	4. Disturbing Stories

[Scene: The Hen Tie park. Umino and El are walking, eating gelato and discussing time travel.]

Umino: Oh. I concede. You've made your point.

El: Oh? [brow furrows] What is my point?

Umino: That time travel is a really bad idea and people should leave well enough alone and try to make the most of their cards life has already dealt them.

El: So you're saying that you wouldn't back in time and assassinate Queen Victoria if were certain it would end your own life?

Umino: I never wanted to assassinate her to begin with!

El: Yeah...I guess that's a problem...

Umino: Problem!? Why is that a problem!?

El: I'm working on a story and was hoping to get an objective opinion... but I guess I haven't made the stakes high enough...

Umino: Oh, no. It is an interesting concept. Stop one woman from injecting her flawed genes into the Dynasties of Europe, to prevent two World Wars, several assassinations, a few pandemics, and save countless millions of lives. But that would be Eugenics, and isn't Eugenics an even greater evil? And anyway, according to you, things would possibly stay the same, or even get worse. So shouldn't it always be wrong to murder people, even with the noblest of intentions?

El: ...I guess.

[Umino looks over and sees she is finishing her gelato and looking bored out of her mind.]

[He checks his arm]

Umino: So..um..where are you from...originally...I mean before you came to England.

El: Some fleabag orphanage in the middle of some war torn hellhole where my brother and I got dumped off in a pillowcase back when we were babies.

Umino: What country?

El: I don't even know. All I remember is it was a place where blue eyes don't occur naturally, since those immediately identifies you as some enemy soldier's rape baby, and you're immediately targeted for extinction by all the other children in the orphanage.

Umino: [looks over] You don't have blue eyes.

El: No, but my brother does. [Umino shudders] Don't worry, he had me to protect him from the worst of it.

Umino: But you must have been tiny!

El: [shrugs] I don't mind, it toughened me up a lot... We had to take turns sleeping, curled together on the same cot, so that one of us could always be on watch...but toward the end it got so the others were far more afraid of us than we were of them...besides, it was only a matter of time before our Daddy came to adopt us-after his wife's gigantic baby bump turned out to be a cancerous tumor- and Devon and I happened to look like a cross between them. [Looks over at Umino] I'm sorry. I'm a pretty morbid date, aren't I? I should just stop talking.

Umino: No, it's ok. I want to know everything there is to know about you...it's just amazing that with all that, you turned out as normal as you did.

El: Normal? Just a few minutes ago you called me a creepy robot girl.

Umino: That was my social anxiety talking. You're a lot more normal than I am.

El: [smiles] Good. Because I feel a lot better having someone like you to talk to.

[Umino turns bright red and feels like he is going to pass out.]

[El realizes how she's strayed from the story she agreed on with Dev.]

El: You won't repeat any of this, will you? Most of my family doesn't know we were adopted. It was her dying wish, you know. For him to find a pair of needy orphans and bring them back to the nursery they had decorated back when everyone thought she was pregnant.

Umino: Mum's the word.

El: Thank you. [gives Umino a thoughtful look] You really want to hear one of my stories?

Umino: Of course.

El: I'm working one now called "Zero Gravity Sex Bomb"

Umino: I like it already.

El: It's about a girl. She was grown in a lab by an evil corporation, and given superpowers so she could grow up to be the ultimate assassin. But she was rescued from the lab by a big tough soldier guy who took her to his home, and he raised her as his own daughter.

Umino: Strong female protagonist. Sounds commercial viable.

El: In time she learned that the evil corporation had used his wife as a test subject, so she ran away from home to avenge her murder. But here is the twist. Along the way she learns the man who raised her planted a small nuclear warhead in her belly, set to go off if she ever returned to the GPS coordinates of the laboratory where she had been created.

Umino: Why would he do that?

El: Don't you see? It was all a trick. He never loved the little girl. But he saw how desperate for affection she was, she he pretended to care about her in order to manipulate her into taking down the people who killed his wife.

Umino: So what does she do when she finds out?

El: She goes into the lab and blows herself up, of course.

Umino: What? Why?

El: [closes her eyes and turns away from Umino as a couple of tears escape]] Because she doesn't want to live in a world where the man who brushed her hair, and taught her to tie her shoelaces, and rocked her to sleep whenever she was having nightmare would put in a bomb in her belly and trick her into blowing herself up.

Umino: That wouldn't work.

El: Pardon? [eyes open and she wipes her tears]

Umino: You won't be able to get it published. American readers don't like stories where the POV character ends up as a corpse.

El: I'm not an American.

Umino: Americans are the biggest consumers in the world so you may want to rethink your ending.

El: So enlighten me. How could a story about a man who tries to trick his own daughter into self-destructing possibly have a happy ending?

Umino: ...I know. Along the way she meets a boy. Someone who convinces her of how wonderful she is and she decides she has everything to live for...Yes, that would add an element of romance and make it much more marketable!

[El looks at him]

El: No. That would be lame. This isn't that kind of story. This is the story of a child's unconditional love for her father. Adding a boyfriend would only mess everything up.

Umino: [shrugs] Ok. It's your story. [finishes his gelato.]

[El gives him a mischievous smile]

Umino: What?

El: Are you sure you don't want to kiss me?

Umino: It's not that I don't want to. It's just that I don't know if I could kiss you without passing out.

[El kisses him]

El: Now you know.

[El laughs as Umino passes out]


	5. Trophy Girl

[Scene: Makoto Kino's house, she unlocks the door and turns on the light to reveal a toothpaste green living room and kitchen tiled with yellow linoleum. Dev tiptoes in after her, carrying a three foot tall trophy.]

Makoto: You don't have to be quiet. I live alone.

Dev: You live alone? And how old are you?

Makoto: I'm going to be seventeen in a few months. [goes into the kitchen and puts on an apron and opens the refrigerator] You like steak?

Dev: Who doesn't? [Looks around and sets the trophy next to the fireplace]

Makoto: [takes a rib eye steak out of the refrigerator and looks at it with a critical eye] I wasn't expecting company tonight. I better cook up some pasta as a side dish. [pulls some homemade noodles, eggs, cream, herbs and a wedge of hard cheese from the fridge.]

Dev: [Gives her a wolfish look as he takes off his coat and drapes it over the arm of the loveseat] You're beautiful, you cook, you dance like a dream and you don't have a curfew. How is it possible you don't already have a boyfriend?

Makoto: Most boys in our school don't want to date a linebacker.

Dev: [sits on the couch and loosens his tie while he watches her cook] That works out pretty well for me, then, because I absolutely do. Especially one with such an enormous amount of talent. [lounges on the couch] So where are your parents? Off in the tropics on some permanent vacation?

Makoto: [sets a pot of water on the stove and starts prepping the steak and pasta] My parents died in a plane crash when I was a little girl.

Dev: Oh, I'm sorry...That must have been one terrible phonecall.

Makoto: [puzzled] Phonecall? [comprehension dawns] No, I was on the plane.

[Dev looks appropriately stricken]

Makoto: Sole survivor...I'm going to come into a LOT of money when I reach adulthood...but I still can't look at an airplane.

Dev: I'll bet.

Makoto: I came here to live with my grandmother, but she passed away a couple of years ago, and I got the house in her will.

Dev: So your family just left you here?

Makoto: [whisking together a sauce and putting it on the stove to simmer] Pretty much. They all flew out for the funeral, but then they flew right back home after the wake. I think everyone assumed someone else was going to take me in.

Dev: That's awful. I can't imagine anything worse than being all alone in the world.

Makoto: [puts the steak in to broil] It not so bad. I have a lot of friends, and I tend to stay fairly busy, so I don't really have time to be lonely.

Dev: When did your grandmother die?

Makoto: About three years ago.

Dev: [looks around] If your family is not helping you out, and haven't gotten your insurance money, how do you pay the bills?

Makoto: [gives him a conspiratorial wink] Can you keep a secret? One that might get me into a bit of hot water, legally speaking?

Dev: Still collecting social security checks for your dead grandmother? [grins] Don't worry. I approve.

Makoto: Oh, no. [laughs] Nothing like that. Have you ever heard of 'Auntie Em's Catering'?

Dev: Well yes, aren't they supposed to be the go to caterers for most of Hen Tie? I noticed their van out front. So you've been working under the table for them as a prep cook and or delivery driver, or something?

Makoto: Not exactly. I'm Auntie Em.

Dev: [beams] Oh, really?

Makoto:[blushes a bit] Well, technically, I am an aunt, and my name begins with 'M' and I've been getting raves about my cooking since I was tall enough to reach a stove, and I needed to pay the bills...so...

Dev: That's amazing. But still, that's a lot of work. Especially for someone who is still in highschool.

Makoto: [stirs the sauce] I don't mind. I do pretty well here. Hen Tie is a really nice town, and the most likely guardian for me would be my nasty older half-sister. Who already has her hands full raising four bratty kids. In Cleveland, Ohio.

Dev: Hey. Cleveland is a nice place.

[Makoto give him some side eye]

Dev: They have the Rock & Roll Hall of fame there.

Makoto: Wow. [stirring the pasta sauce] You must really like music.

Dev: I do. [Spots a vintage piano along the wall] May I?

Makoto: Please do.

[Dev sits at the piano, tests the keys, and then plays a hypnotic melody, reminiscent of Brahms.]

[Makoto finds herself drifting over to him, as if by the pied piper, until she remembers she has a couple of pots boiling on the stove and rushes back to attend to her cooking.]

Makoto: That's beautiful. I've never heard that song before. Did you write that?

Dev: This is actually one of my Mother's. She was a composer, she wrote this one while she was pregnant with us. They say El got her smarts, and I inherited her love of music.

Makoto: What was your childhood like?

Dev: It was your pretty standard fairytale childhood... If you consider "Hansel and Gretel" to be a fairytale.

Makoto: That bad, huh?

[Dev gives her a knowing grin as he continues playing.]

Dev: My darling trophy girl, you have no idea.


	6. Hansel and Gretel

[Scene: Makoto's place. Makoto brings plates of food out to the coffee table and sits beside Dev and leans in close.]

Makoto: I want to hear all about your childhood.

Dev: I don't want to ruin your dinner.

Makoto: [socks his shoulder] I told you all about mine. Besides, if I'm your girlfriend I should know everything about you.

Dev: True enough...Let's see...My mother died when I was born... After that, my father...well, my father, he had issues... He promised her he would care for us...but he fell into some very dark times and bad habits... He never paid much attention to us before he took off and left...This old woman...she took us in...One of those socialite types, active in charitable circles...But behind closed doors... [Dev shudders as if at the memories]...Let's just say there was a sadistic side of her that she kept hidden from society pages.

Makoto: She hit you?

Dev: Not me.

Makoto: [comprehension dawns] Oh.

Dev: El has always had a smart little mouth on her, and that is exactly the wrong sort of person to keep around a narcissistic phony like that.

[Makoto places her hand on his arm]

Dev:Plus, this woman always hated my mother, and it didn't help that El looks just like her...She hit her. Pulled her around by the hair. Yelled at her and called her names. Threw her down the stairs. She beat my sister until she was black and blue and there was nothing I could do about it.

Makoto: And she never hit you?

Dev: She didn't need to. There is nothing you can do to me that is worse than hurting my sister.

[Makoto gathers Dev a reassuring hug, and Dev smiles an evil little smile over her shoulder at the contact]

Dev: She tried to pit us against each other, you know? She pretended I was her favorite...the golden boy who could do no wrong. But El saw right through her... I begged El to stop provoking her, but she refused. She pretended she liked being hit...But I knew better...we're so close, I can practically see into her mind... I swore, when I was big enough I would find a way to kill that bitch-

[Makoto breaks off the hug and looks at him with concern.]

Dev: She died on her own. A few years after my father got himself all cleaned up came back looking for us, and took us off her hands. Seems he decided he wanted a family after all...All those years without so much as a Christmas card or a phone call, and El just welcomed him back like nothing had happened.

Makoto: I can imagine...after everything the two of you had been through. No wonder you're so protective of her.

Dev: I wish you could have known her when she was tiny. She was the sweetest, most good-natured girl imaginable, until that old witch taught her how to hate.

[Makoto takes his hands in hers, and gazes at him with eyes misty with unshed tears, and Dev has to hide a smile]

Dev: My father spoils us. He buys us everything we want. As well he should. But I couldn't be bought so easily with his guilt gifts. Then one day I was exploring and found my mother's conservatory...and her piano. The servants kept it dusted and tuned, but my father never stepped foot in there, not since...well...I had been taking music lessons and already surpassed my tutors. I looked in the piano bench to see if I could find any of my mother's sheet music. Instead I found a large thin package. Gifwrapped and addressed to "Eleanor & Devon"... Inside were photographs, birthday cards, songs, cute little hand drawn cartoons...and letters. Lots and lots of letters. She started writing letters to the two of us when she found out she was expecting, and when she realized she was dying, she only wrote faster, since she knew this was the only way she could be a part of our lives while we were growing up.

Makoto: And you shared them with your sister?

Dev: [shakes his head] I tried, but she wouldn't look at them. Neither would my father. They said it was too macabre, but I think it was too painful for them to even think about her... But those letters brought me great joy. I needed to know there was a time when we were wanted. When we were loved...

[He breaks in tears and Makoto pulls him into and embrace. She rocks him, rubbing his back to sooth him. And then they start to kiss. The kissing becomes quite intense and she pulls him down onto the couch.]

[Dev sits up with a "what the hell am I doing" look on his face.]

Dev: I can't do this...It's not right.

Makoto: [tries to take hold of him] It feels pretty right to me.

Dev: [struggles away] No. It isn't...Don't get me wrong. I want to. I want to more than anything. But there are too many problems. For one thing, I've never done it before, so this would probably be the most embarrassing thirty seconds of my life.

Makoto: [shrugs and leans in] You know what they say. "Practice makes perfect."

Dev:No. Doing this would be wrong on many levels.

Makoto: Oh, come on. i'm a big girl. I told you, I'm almost seventeen!

Dev: I'm NOT!

Makoto: [scoots away] Oh...that's right. I keep forgetting you're a freshman.

Dev: A freshman foreign exchange student. Which means I'm not going to be around for much longer.

Makoto: But there is the internet. And you'll come back won't you? Someday?

Dev: If I do, you'll be old. [goes to the loveseat to collect his coat]

Makoto: I'll wait.

Dev: By next month you will have forgotten I ever existed.

Makoto: I'll never forget you.

Dev: [heads for the door] I'll never forget you either. You will always be my Bond girl.

Makoto: wait...you don't have to go.

Dev: I really should. It's late. I don't want my sister to worry.

Makoto: I'll bring you lunch tomorrow. I'll make enough for the both of you. What do you like to eat?

Dev: Anything will be fine. We aren't particular. [He leaves]

Makoto: [to the closed door] Bye. [she stares forlornly at his untouched meal, and heaves a heavy sigh]


	7. Sleepytime

[Scene: A distressed foreclosure.]

[Dev teleports in and looks around before walking upstairs to the bedroom.]

[Inside, El is fast asleep, wearing pajamas and clutching a pillow. Dev smiles a fond smile, then changes into matching pajamas and slips into bed with her.]

El: [opens her eyes halfway] Wren?

Dev: [pulls her close and whispers] Who's Wren?

[El slowly opens her eyes]

El: Sorry. I wasn't awake.

Dev: [pets her hair] I stayed out late. Did you miss me?

El: [shrugs] Only a little.

Dev: [smiles] I didn't miss you at all.

El: Liar.

Dev: Did you have any nightmares while I was gone?

El: [thinks back] No. As a matter of fact I didn't. I think it was because I had a nice day today.

Dev: As did I. [looks into her eyes] El. If we survive killing Metalia, I want you to promise me something very important.

El: What?

Dev: I want you to promise me you will never marry.

El: [frowns] Why is that? Does this mean you will never marry either?

Dev: Not at all. I intend to have a long string of ex-wives.

El: [giggles and whacks him with the pillow] Hypocrite.

Dev: I'm serious. I'm not strong like you are. I can't just tell the whole world off. I have a pathological need to be loved by everyone. But especially by you.

El: [holds him close] I do love you, Dev. Nothing will ever change that.

Dev: Someday you will find someone. Someone who will want to spend the rest of his life with you. Then you won't need me anymore. Whereas, I will always need you.

El: How can you be so sure of that?

Dev: [heaves a deep sigh] I met someone.

El: Oh? Who is that?

Dev: The perfect woman..jealous?

El: A little. Go on.

Dev: She's big, and she's beautiful, and she lives alone, and she dances, and she cooks, she even wants to cook for you too...but she can never love me. Not the real me. Because every word I tell her is a lie. She can't know who I am, or what I am, or why I'm here, or our real names. I can't even tell her how old I am, or she'll run for the hills.

El: Maybe she won't run. Maybe you'll tell her the truth and find out she's freaky that way.

Dev: Then I'll go running for the hills.

[El laughs]

Dev: I almost got lucky tonight.

El: So why didn't you? [gives him a sly grin] Don't tell me you are developing human ethics?

Dev: Me? Hardly! It's just that in a few days we are going to kill Metalia, probably wiping ourselves out of existence in the process, and I can't give myself an excuse not to pull trigger.

El: I know what you mean.

Dev: But you still haven't promised me that if we do survive, you won't get married.

El: That's because it's a rediculous double standard.

Dev: No it is not. If you have a husband, he won't like it if I crawl into his bed at two in the morning and need to cuddle with you because I had a bad dream.

El: If you have a wife, she won't like it if I crawl into her bed and need to cuddle with you because I had a bad dream.

Dev: That's when I kick her out.

[El chotles]

Dev: I'm serious.

El: That's why I'm laughing.

Dev: Promise me you won't marry.

El: Fine. I promise. I won't get married.

Dev: Good. Because if you ever find anyone you love more than me, I'll have to kill him. And I'd hate for you to have that on your conscience.

El: Don't worry. Nobody is going to want to marry me, anyway.

Dev: In a few years, everyone is going to want to marry you.

[El yawns and closes her eyes]

Dev: [clutches her hand] Good night, my love.

El: [kisses his forehead] Good night, little songbird.

[They fall asleep]


	8. Birthday Boy

[Scene: Kunzite's castle in the Dark Kingdom. Kunzite and Zoi are in highbacked carved chairs at a dark table, enjoying a meal of odd looking delicacies, but Zoi is looking a little preoccupied.]

Kunzite: You should be in a good mood, today of all days.

Zoi: [coy] And if I don't want to be in a good mood?

Kunzite: Too bad.

[Zoi giggles as Kunzite pulls him from his chair and into his lap.]

Zoi: [snuggles against his chest and eyes a package with green wrapping paper] Can I open my present now?

Kunzite: Not until your birthday.

Zoi: It is my birthday, in at least on half the timezones on Earth, and seeing as how we can both teleport, I think that should be all that matters.

[reaches for the present, but Kunzite pulls his hand back.]

Kunzite: Nice try, but we are going by Hen Tie's time which is Pacific Standard. So you will have to wait another eight minutes and twenty four seconds, exactly.

Zoi: [sighs and nuzzles Kunzite's chest] I suppose I can wait another eight minutes if I have to. [gives Kunzite a sly look] See how much you've spoiled me?

Kunzite: This is nothing. Wait until we are old enough to live together, and then you will learn the true meaning of overindulgence.

Zoi: [giggles] You are such a bad influence.

[Zoi's head is spinning by the time Kunzite leans in and presses his lips against his. His mouth lingers on Zoi's smooth and gentle, until Zoi wraps his arms around his neck and throws himself into the kiss with a little too much enthusiasm.]

Zoi: Will you be coming over to dinner with my parents tonight?

Kunzite: I shouldn't.

Zoi: No, you should. Come to dinner with us. It's my birthday, after all, and you are my husband.

Kunzite: And you don't think that will be a little awkward? Seeing as how you are only just reaching Washington's age of consent another seven minutes and fifteen seconds?

Zoi: Well it's going to be awkward enough in any event. What with my mother having dinner with my father, who she never really got along with at the best of times, while five months pregnant and recovering from jetlag after taking a sixteen hour flight without her new husband...and...you're right...You should stay home. [sigh] God, tonight is going to be torture.

Kunzite: I'm sure your parents will both be on their best behavior. You did have a very publicized brush with death only a few months ago, and things like that tend to inspire divorced parents to put their petty differences aside.

Zoi: It's not that...It's that Mom doesn't know exactly how much I've "changed" since I moved to Hen Tie. And Dad does. As far as she is concerned I'm just her flamboyantly gay son who has found some degree of happiness with a slightly older boy. She doesn't even know we're married. That really isn't fair, now that I think about it.

Kunzite: Are you going to tell her?

Zoi: I really should...Except this is my mother we are talking about...My father's got a temper, he's overprotective, and he's not right about everything as often as he thinks he is, but he's not the type to hold grudges. [give Kunzite a sad look] I don't recall a time when my mother has forgiven anyone for anything.

Kunzite: You think she will be angry that you eloped?

Zoi: Undoubtedly. That will probably upset her even more than finding how I died and came back as a demon...but even if she finds it in her heart to accept that this is everything I've ever wanted, learning her new son-in-law is servant of the darkness who has irrevocably pledged his soul to evil for all eternity is going to be a dealbreaker for her.

Kunzite: [smirk] Yes, I can see how this could pose problems.

Zoi: [frowns] I'm not ready to tell about all that, but I'm sure she's going to have a million questions for me about us. We've chatted a lot over Skype, but it's not the same as being grilled by her face to face. So I've got to sit there and lie to her all night long, while my dad's got a "I know stuff that you don't know, Renee" grin all over his face the entire time I'm just digging myself in deeper...

Kunzite: I'm sure it will be fine, but do have some news that might cheer up in the meanwhile.

Zoi: [nervous] What's that?

Kunzite: It's going to be your birthday in 3...2...1

[Youma enter playing musical instruments and bearing gifts, orbs of light appear, and a shower of magical petals showers down from the ceiling.]

All: Happy Birthday!

[Zoi laughs with delight and sits up so he can reach the green package]

Kunzite: Allow me. [pulls the present closer and Zoi tears into it]

Kunzite: Where did the enthusiasm come from?

Zoi: You made me curious.

[Opens the box and pulls out a egg made of gold and enamel. and stares at it with big green eyes.]

Zoi: Is this a genuine Faberge Egg?

Kunzite: [smiles] Would I have given you anything less?

[Zoi winds it up and the egg opens like a flower, forming a gem encrusted nest with chirping gold bird inside of it.

Zoi: And you got this from the Czar's palace and have been hold onto this since the time of Rasputin?

[Kunzite smile falls and he looks away]

Kunzite: Actually I stole it from a drug dealer in Luxembourg a week ago...I didn't really have a need for a bauble like this before then.

Zoi: [kisses Kunzite] It hardly matters. It will look divine on my bookshelf in any case.


	9. Dinner With the Folks

[Scene: Chief Midori's squad car. Zoi and his father are wearing suits and driving the streets of Seattle Zoi looks extremely anxious.]

Zoi: Drive faster dad!

Chief Midori: I can't. It's bumper to bumper.

Zoi: [hugging himself with worry] Oh my god. We're going to be late to pick up Mom!

Chief Midori: It's not my fault people slow to a crawl whenever they see a squad car.

Zoi: I don't want her yelling at us.

Chief Midori: It's ok. I called your mother before we left, and the salon is running a little behind schedule.

Zoi: [practically crying] But don't you see? That'll just make it worse!

Chief Midori: [smiles] Calm down son. When I called your mother to let her know we were on our way, she was in a really good mood.

Zoi: You called Mom? And she was happy to hear from you? I don't buy it!

[Chief Midori shrugs and stops for a yellow light]

Zoi: What are you doing! You could have made that light!

Chief Midori: It's ok.

Zoi: [near tears] It's not ok! Put on your siren!

[Chief Midori chuckles]

Zoi: This is funny to you?

Chief Midori: A little.

Zoi: This is only funny because you haven't lived with Mom for ten years! She doesn't mind making people wait around for her, bur nothing makes her crazier than having to wait around for someone else!

Chief Midori: This must be the place. [pulls into the spa parking lot and parks up front] Don't worry, your mother has mellowed out considerably since her move to Italy.

Zoi: She didn't sound that mellow last time I spoke to her.

Chief Midori: Oh, relax. it's your birthday...And here comes your mother.

[Renee Cappelli waddles out of the salon. She's like a middle aged female version of Zoi and is looking red carpet ready in a maternity evening gown, a mink coat and full runway makeup.]

[Zoi gets out of the car so she can ride shotgun.]

Chief Midori: Sorry, I'm late, Renee. We ran into traffic on the way over here.

[Zoi cowers while he waits for her to start shrieking out insults.]

Renee: [pats her updo as she checks it in the rear view mirror] No problem at all. It gave me more time for my toenail polish to dry.

[Zoi just stand outside the car, dumbfounded]

Renee: [looks at Zoi] What, no kiss for your mother?

Zoi: [gives her a quick kiss on the cheek] Sorry. I didn't want to ruin your makeup.

Renee: It's just makeup, dear. I can touch it up on the way to the restaurant.

[Zoi climbs into the back of the squad car and they drive off.]

Chief Midori: So. How have you been?

Renee: [touching up her makeup] Oh, I can't complain.

Zoi: [wideeyed] What?

Renee: [to Zoi] Is something wrong, dear?

Zoi: Why are you so mellow?

Renee: After a lifetime of poverty and disappointment, I find an easy pregnancy, a handsome young husband, and several million in a trust fund will do that to you.

Zoi: Oh.

[Zoi feels a sudden urge to get all his secrets off his chest while she is still in a mellow state.]

Zoi: Mom. There are things I need to tell you. About myself. Things you aren't going to like hearing.

Renee: [still working on her makeup] Oh, that sounds serious.

Zoi: I've changed. I'm not the same person I was when I lived in Phoenix. Not at all.

Renee: Ohhh. This is about that boy, isn't it? What's his name?

Chief Midori: Kunzite.

Renee: Oh, yes. Kunzite. You've been doing the naughty with him, haven't you?

Zoi: [turns beet red] Mom!

Renee: Don't worry, were not in much of a position to judge since we weren't any better when we were your age.

Chief Midori: Renee!

Renee: The difference is that you two want to stay together, while your father and I HAD to stay together.

Chief Midori: Renee! Don't tell him these things!

Renee: What? Our boy is genius. I'm sure he worked out the math a long time ago. And since there is zero chance you're going to find yourself in the same sort of mess we did, you certainly have my blessing.

Chief Midori: Renee!

Zoi: It's ok, Dad. I already knew I was a prom baby.

Renee: See? What did I tell you?

Zoi: [under his breath] It's the only way your marriage made any sense, really.

Chief Midori: We never regretting having you. Not for a minute.

Renee: Amen. You were the only good thing that ever came out of that relationship.

[They pull up to the hotel and park. Chief Midori and Renee Cappelli remain upbeat as they walk on either side of Zoi through the chrome, marble and crystal lobby, but Zoi can't help but feel like a condemn prisoner being led to the gallows. The feeling only intensifies as they near the restaurant.]

[He looks at his mother and she smiles back at him with her heavily made up face. Her serene expression it makes her look more like a doll than a human. This chills him to the bone. He feels a terrible sense of foreboding. Worse than anything he's ever felt before. He turns and runs back toward the exit.]

Chief Midori: Zoi? Get back here.

[Zoi runs faster and Chief Midori catches up with him and pulls him to a stop.]

Zoi: Dad. Something is wrong. This isn't Mom.

Renee: [finally a bit cross] What do you mean 'This isn't Mom'?

Zoi: This whole thing. It's weird. Why are you so calm? And why you dressed up like that, just to have dinner with my father?

Renee: I didn't get dressed up to have dinner with your father. I got all dressed up to have dinner with you.

Zoi: Me AND my father...Who usually mocks you when you do silly things like this. It's not like we are going to the Oscar Awards. It's just the Grill at the hotel!

Renee: What? I'm not allowed to look nice for your birthday? It's not every day my baby turns sixteen, you know.

Zoi: [in tears] You know you don't need to get dressed up to have dinner with me.

Renee: Yeah...well...I need to make up for all those birthdays we were living paycheck to paycheck and didn't have any money for presents from anywhere but the Dollar Store...You want a car? I will buy you a car...what kind of car do you want?

Zoi: I don't want a car.

Chief Midori: He has a motorcycle.

Renee: A motorcycle? Really? Wow.

Zoi: See? This is what I'm talking about! That wasn't even a bad Wow! We need to leave. Now. I just know if we don't leave now something terrible is going to happen.

[His parents give each other a knowing smirk]

Chief Midori: Son. There is a reason your mother is in a really good mood tonight. But this is supposed to be a surprise. We're going to tell you all about it at dinner.

Zoi: [freaking out] I don't want dinner! I want to go home!

Chief Midori: Zoisite...

Renee: No, it's ok. It's his birthday. If he's feeling spooked for whatever reason, we can take a raincheck...I just need to check in with Giancarlo and tell him there has been a change in my plans for tonight.

[She rummages in her purse as she walks toward a grand ballroom next to the restaurant. Chief Midori walks over with her, pulling Zoi along with him. She makes a show of dialing, then throws open the ballroom door as his father practically shoves him through.

Hundreds of voices: SURPRISE!

[balloons and pink confetti that look like flower petals rain down as Zoi recognizes most of his family and friends seated at tables under a huge gold banner that says HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZOI and SWEET 16]

[Zoi's parents clap him on the back and chuckle with amusement as he takes it all in]

[But instead of being less freaked out, he starts backing away.]

Zoi: Oh, no. No. No. No. No.


	10. Surprise

[Scene: A surprise sweet sixteen party for Zoi in an upscale hotel ballroom.]

[Zoi is backing away in terror as his parents force him into the room and his friends and family rush up to greet him.]

Usagi: [Throws her arms around Zoi] Happy birthday, Zoi! [In her exuberance she bumps into Mamoru] Oh, hey.

Mamoru: Hey.

[They turn away from each other. Zoi continues to ignore everyone around him as his parents, drag him, wide-eyed with shock, toward the podium with its microphone.]

Umino: Oh, my god, I went on a date with Eleanor and she kissed me! She actually kissed me! And she's a girl! I don't think my feet have touched the floor since!

Naru: Zoi doesn't want you hear about your date right now. [drags Umino away while a handsome man in an expensive suit rushes in to take his place.]

Giancarlo: _Mio Bambino!_ [Gives Zoi a kiss on each cheek] We came from all over Italy to celebrate your birthday. Come meet your grandparents and all your new cousins!

[Zoi regards the sea of unfamiliar faces behind his stepfather with a look of dread.]

[More people rush up to hug him, but he doesn't maintain his composure until he notices the microphone. He makes a break from his parents and rushed to the podium.]

Zoi: Attention everyone! You all need to leave! Right now!

[The room fills with polite laughter]

Zoi: I mean it! Go away!

[More laughter, only this time it is a bit more strained]

Renee: [grabs the microphone] Isn't he adorable when he's being shy? [Chuckles and holds Zoi at arm's length as he tries to grab the microphone back] It's hard to believe it was sixteen years ago today that I struggled through twelve hours of grueling labor to bring him into the world. [sighs] Yes, I admit it. I'm (barely) old enough to have a sixteen year old child. I admit it because I live in Italy now, and my husband's family hardly knows what I'm saying up here. Giancarlo? Are you at the table? Raise your hand, Giancarlo, so everyone can see what a handsome young studmuffin I married. He's rich, too. In fact his father paid for this party, and flew his entire family over, first class, so that they could come celebrate this special occasion with us. So help yourself to the drinks and the caviar. [levels a look at Zoi] And now I turn the microphone over to the birthday boy. Who I trust will be gracious and humble given that you all took the time to come here on his behalf.

Zoi: WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS!

[The is a bit of nervous laughter, but for the most part the room is silent]

Zoi: I MEAN IT! WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO HERD EVERYONE I MIGHT POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT INTO ONE PLACE!

[People look around, startled by his outburst. They don't seem to notice the room dimming and swirling with a reddish mist as a robed figure rises from a table.]

Death Phantom: Oh, I think you already know the answer to that question.

Renee: [screams and clutches Zoi] Oh, my god! What is that THING!

[people look at where she is pointing and start chatting to each other nervously]

Chief Midori: Renee? What are you talking about?

Renee: [hysterical] You don't see it? That ghostly skull thing? [points at the Death Phantom]

Chief Midori: Renee. There is nothing there.

Zoi: It's ok, Mom. I see him, too. Its the Death Phantom. He's come here to kill everyone in this room, unless I taken oath of obedience and end up doing it for him.

[Now the crowd is really muttering. Any who still think he is joking are a bit puzzled that they don't get the jokes.]

Zoi: EVERYONE RUN FOR THE EXITS! [nobody moves] I MEAN IT! [He summons a fireball and sends it toward the ceiling, where it explodes, raining down flame and bits of plaster]

[The crowd screams as they leave their tables and run for the doors, which magically shrink and vanish before they can reach them.]

[The Death Phantom regards the hysterical mass of people trapped in the now burning chamber as he turns his attention back to Zoi.]

Death Phantom: Swear allegiance to me-or they all die.


	11. WWKD

[Scene: A burning hotel ballroom. People are stampeding to the featureless walls that once held doors and windows and are screaming as they realize there is no way out.]

Mamoru: Everyone remain calm! The important thing is not to panic!

Death Phantom: [To Zoi] Let them panic if they so desire. It will make no difference if you don't take an oath of obedience.

Zoi: Never.

[The Death Phantom advances toward Zoi and Renee throws herself protectively in front of him.]

Renee: Stay away from my child, you monster!

Death Phantom: Oh, yes. The fountainhead of your unique gifts.

[The death phantom stretches his arm toward her, and she frozen as if by a gorgon's stare before she is encased in a column of ice.]

Zoi: Mom!

Death Phantom: Don't worry, I would never squander nor waste such a valuable specimen. One which might still prove useful to me if you persist in defying me. The others here will not be as lucky. And seeing as how they are all doomed, I see no further point to hiding my presence from them...How funny, your father intends to shoot me. As if I won't make his heart stop beating before he can pull the trigger.

[The Death Phantom levels his stare at Chief Midori, who has pulled his sidearm from his ankle holster.]

[Zoi blasts it out of his hand before he can aim.]

Death Phantom: You have one chance to save these people. I will give you until a count of ten.

Zoi: Why are you doing this! Metalia ordered you to leave us alone!

Death Phantom: Metalia and I are both Incarnations of Chaos, and this is not the first time we have broken a promise to one another...Let me explain what it feels like to be both immortal and indestructible-without fear, without worry, everything becomes boring after a while... Even torture, even blood feuds... She will work her wrath upon me. Maybe for centuries. But in time, our petty grudges will blow away like dust, the way they always do. And in that time you will remain my slave. Or else you will remain dead. Your choice.

Zoi: Then I choose death!

Death Phantom: That doesn't sadden me nearly as much as you think it does. You are swiftly proving to be more of a problem than you are worth.

[He regards the group before him, the people clawing and beating against blank walls for escape, Mamoru is the sole voice of reason vainly trying to maintain order. The few, frozen in their seats in mute shock or terror, and Usagi sitting on the floor on her knees bawling in terror as Naru and Umino alternate between trying to coax her into fleeing to safety and trying to determine where in fact safety might be.]

Death Phantom: I'll be generous and begin the count again.

Zoi: I already gave you my answer, you dollar store Halloween lawn ornament!

Death Phantom: You leave me no choice but to kill these people. One every minute, until you decide to change your mind.

[Zoi tries to teleport away in a whirlwind of petals but ends up rematerializing in the same spot]

Death Phantom: This is not going to work. I have called upon my power as a Minor God of Chaos to tighten the fabric of reality here. It would require far more energy than you currently possess for you to split apart the dimensional fabric of this chamber and flee like a coward.

[Zoi bites his lip and takes one last look around. He wishes Kunzite was there, not only for his presence, but because of Kunzite's steady nerves. He would know what to do in a situation like this.]

[Zoi asks himself: What Would Kunzite Do?]

[Then he laughs. A twisted insane little laugh]

[What would Kunzite do? What DID Kunzite do!]

[Zoi levitates in a crosslegged pose, smiling fondly at the crowd.]

Zoi: QUIET EVERYONE! CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!

[The bedlam of the room goes silent. Even Usagi stops her bawling to give him her full attention]

Zoi: I've got some very bad news. You're all going to die. Right now. Every single of one you. And I'm afraid I've got some even worse news.

[Zoi twirls his hair and winks at the crowd as he gives them a seductive grin,]

Zoi: I'm going to be the one that kills you.


	12. Dark Zoisite

[scene: Zoi's sweet sixteen. Chief Midori rushes to the microphone]

Chief Midori: Son, you mustn't joke around like this. People might get hurt from sheer panic.

Zoi: Um, Dad? Did you not hear me say I was going to kill everyone right now? Keeping people from getting hurt is not real high on my list of priorities.

Chief Midori: You're not a killer.

Zoi: [giggling] Oh, Daddy dear, don't lie. You know that is just not true. You watched me empty a gun into four men, before I ran out of bullets and had to grab another gun so I could shoot two more men in the back. Oops, I guess I shouldn't have confessed to that in front of a room full of witnesses. [twirls his hair and smiles] I guess that's just one more reason you all have to die.

Mamoru: Such words must never be spoken, not even in jest. The answer to violence relies not on violence, but in working together to–

Zoi: Blah blah blah. Oh, I disagree. Violence is the only answer. You see, the Death Phantom is going to make you all die horrible deaths. He's a lot more powerful than I am so there is nothing I can do to save your lives. However, I can make sure you all die swiftly and painlessly. And if I can dine on your energy, and poison away the last lingering shreds of my own humanity…I guess that is a win for me.

Mamoru: Humanity is not what you are, it is what you-

[Zoi knocks him down with a blast of energy]

Zoi: Sorry. It's my party and you'll die if I want to.

[He stretches out his hands a thin thread of energy is drawn from everyone's bodies into Zoi. As their lifeforce is sucked away they weaken and stagger. Except for Mamoru who is staring up at dark-eyed, crackling Zoi in disbelief and horror.

Death Phantom: What are you doing!

Zoi: [petulant] Doesn't ANYBODY listen to me when I'm talking!

[The Death Phantom stares at Zoi's father who is looking at his son with concern. Not for himself, but for what might happen to Zoi.]

Death Phantom: I don't need to look into your mind, little fool. I only need to look into the human who knows you best to see through your bluff.

[The older and weaker partygoers stagger and faint from lack of energy. The younger and more energetic stagger to keep their footing. Zoi shows no sign of relenting as he grows brighter and brighter.]

Zoi: Does this really look like a bluff to you?

[The Death Phantom grabs Naru by the arms and holds her in front of him]

Death Phantom: END THIS FOOLISHNESS OR I KILL THIS HUMAN NOW!

[Naru faints dead away. For a moment the Death Phantom is at a loss on how to proceed until he notices Usagi wailing nearby. He drops Naru, who is quickly dragged to safety by Umino and drags Usagi by the pigtail in front of the podium.]

Death Phantom: END THIS FOOLISHNESS OR I KILL THIS HUMAN NOW!

Zoi: Do it. I double dog dare you.

Death Phantom: [grips Usagi's wrists] I WILL PULL HER ARMS FROM HER SOCKETS.

Usagi: [sobbing] Oh, no! I really don't want my arms pulled from my sockets!

Zoi: Don't worry. You won't live that long.

Death Phantom: SHITENNOU! CEASE YOUR TRICKERY OR BY THE COUNT OF THREE-

Zoi: She'll be dead on the count of two.

Death Phantom: ONE…

Zoi: [Summons a crystal javelin] You really don't think I'm going to go through with this, do you?

Death Phantom: TWO…

Zoi: [hurls the javelin] Why is everyone constantly underestimating me?

[Usagi screams as it speeds straight for her heart but Mamoru leaps in front of her taking the spear right through the gut.]

Usagi: [lets out a heart wrenching scream as the spear goes in his belly and protrudes out his back] MAMOCHAN!

[He falls to the ground and Usagi gathers him into her arms, clasping his hand in hers.]

[He gazing up at her adoringly, stroking her cheek with one bloody shaking hand.]

Mamoru: You need to find someone…Someone better than me…Someone who will treat you the way you deserved to be treated.

Usagi: NEVER! There has NEVER been anyone for me but you! There will NEVER be anyone for me but you!

Mamoru: [to Usagi] I-I was never good enough for you.

Usagi: Stop saying that. You are the best. The greatest person who has ever walked the earth. How could I ever be with anyone else after loving you? After you gave your life for me. You are only one for me. If you die I will die too.

Mamoru: No, Usagi. The world is a better place with you in it than me.

Usagi: [eyes filling with tears] Oh, Mamo. Don't die. Please don't die. If you die, I don't think I could go on.

Zoi: [raises his hands to his mouth] Oh, dear. What have I done.

[Zoi gently drifts over to Usagi cradling Mamoru, and they both look up at him. Usagi's eyes are filled with hope. Mamoru's are filled with hate.]

Zoi: How could I have almost squandered the precious life force of my dearest friend Mamoru Chibi…

[He reaches out his hands to Mamoru, uncovering his mouth, which is grinning from ear to ear.]

Zoi…without remembering he's endless fountain of energy!

[Usagi and Mamoru scream and Zoi laughs like a madman, as Zoi draws in Mamoru's life energy as fast as he can.]

[The Death Phantom watches, perplexed until a cloud of petals form around Zoi]

Death Phantom: Oh, no.

Zoi: Oh, yes. I'm afraid you slipped up there, my dear Wiseman. You shouldn't have told me the key to escaping this is more energy than I currently have.

[Zoi laughs like a fiend as he slips through the dimensional fabric of the ballroom to teleport away.]


	13. Cursed

[Scene: The interdimensional void supernatural beings travel through to teleport. Zoi is headed for Metalia's lair in Washington DC, but is stopped short by a blast that knocks him skidding across the marble floor of a hotel lobby.]

Death Phantom: You think, I, Wiseman, an Incarnation of Chaos can be thwarted so easily? You forget I am a GOD.

[The Death Phantom rises his arms. The lobby darkens as walls, furnishing, pretty much everything is blown apart]

[Zoi is flung against a marble pillar, where chains of dark energy snake around him pinning him into place.

Death Phantom: There is no use groveling. My patience with you has reached its limit.

[The chains begin to constrict with crushing force]

Death Phantom: I should have kept to my original plan to torture and kill you to avenge the deaths of my followers, but at least now I have your mother as a consolation prize.

Zoi: YOU LEAVE MY MOTHER ALONE!

Death Phantom: Irreverent to your last breath. I accept now that your mind can not be molded, not through natural means, nor supernatural. How ironic it is that the very gift that make you attractive as a slave also render you completely unsuitable.

[As the chains crush him Zoi notices a column of purple light forming behind the Death Phantom]

Death Phantom: No matter. I will retrieve your mother from the corpses of your loved ones. Unlike you, she is beyond the first blush of youth, but as a human she is better suited for breeding in captivity. Once she is thawed and her womb has been vacated, it will be easy to create another like you, maybe more, before I dispose of her as well.

[A man appears from the column of light, swinging a huge poleaxe right at the Death Phantom. The blade passes through him harmlessly, and the Death Phantom turns to confront the newcomer]

Death Phantom: Nephrite. You really think that axe is going to harm me?

Neffy: [sweating profusely] No, I do not. But I can't just stand here and do nothing. [swings again with the same result]

Death Phantom: Oh? Why can't you?

[Neffy fights with the skill of a master gladiator, but it does no good against an enemy who has dematerialized like a wraith]

Neffy: [sweating intensifies, still swinging] Because, he's family, goddamnit.

Death Phantom: No. That is not right. Allow me to probe your mind for your true motives.

Neffy: [Still fighting] Please. Just let him go.

Death Phantom: [chuckles] How fascinating. So your elder brother Kunzite had tricked you into placing a curse upon yourself, forcing you to protect Zoisite at all costs, even if it means your own life.

Zoi: WHAT?

Death Phantom: Oh, you didn't know about that...? Of course you wouldn't. It would be kinder for you to think he was protecting because he bore you some hidden affection or had a glimmer of goodness in his heart...Shall we test the limits of this curse?

[The Death Phantom Raises his arms and all the smashed wood in the lobby is drawn to Zoi's feet as if by a magnet. The Death Phantom holds out one finger and Zoi's legs are engulfed in greenish flames.]

[Neffy stares with a sickened look on his face until Zoi starts screaming in pain. He drops the axe and rushes to Zoi, pulling at the chains.]

[The Death Phantom chuckles as Zoi passes out. Although it is clear Neffy is being burned just as badly as Zoi, he makes no sound and shows no sign of retreating as he fights vainly to rescue Zoi.]

Death Phantom: I've seen enough.

[The flames vanish, leaving Zoi slumped unconscious and badly burned. Neffy stares at the Death Phantom with loathing, but still works on freeing Zoi.]

[The Death Phantom waves his arm and Neffy's burns are miraculously healed.]

Death Phantom: Listen carefully. I will give you one chance to save his life. A very slight chance, but it is a chance, the only way to save him. [to Zoi] Wake up. I'm not finished with you.

[Zoi's eyes pop open, and his breathing is labored but his injuries remain]

Death Phantom: [to Neffy] Gather your brothers. Kunzite and Jadeite. Bring them here. Right now. Tell them whatever lie you want, but neither they, nor Metalia, nor anyone else must suspect you are luring them to their deaths. Do this. Assist me in torturing and killing you and your brother Shitennou, and there is a very slight chance I will let this one live. Hurry...those burns look serious. He might die from his injuries alone if you tarry for even a moment.

Neffy: [teleporting away] God damn you.

[Zoi stares at the Death Phantom. Breathing hard in the smoke filled chamber, with pain and hate]

Death Phantom: The poor fool. He knows I am lying, but he has no choice but to obey. I did lie, of course. You will die... Or maybe not? Are you as willing to sacrifice your beloved Kunzite as you were your beloved humans? Those trapped in the flames, with no way to safety. They are probably dead already.

Zoi: [through pain clenched teeth] Go to hell.

Death Phantom: Haven't you accepted by now that I cannot be killed? And since I cannot be killed, I cannot be defeated.

Zoi: Metalia can defeat you.

Death Phantom: What good will that do her? She can't kill me and it won't bring her sons back after I have slaughtered them. All it will do is take up her time. Time that would be better spent cultivating suitable replacements...You know, I think I will let Kunzite live a while. To humiliate him. A fool as proud as him might find glory in Death. But in the degradation that comes with the lowest forms of enslavement? Yes, I think I will make you watch-

Voice: *Ahem*

[They turn and see a pair of shapes emerging from the smoke in mylar coverall. The two peel back their hood and goggles, before crossing their arms and giving the Death Phantom an admonishing look.]

El: Would you mind keeping it down in here? We are trying to work.


	14. Duo Ex Machina

[Scene: The ruined lobby of a ruined hotel. The Death Phantom regards a pair of innocent looking kids smiling angelically at him.]

Death Phantom: Who are you?

Dev: I'm Dev.

El: And I'm El.

Dev: We're just a couple of perfectly normal foreign exchange students, trying to finish up a science project.

El: Now who the hell are you?

Death Phantom: [Thunderous] I am Wiseman! Look upon my might and tremble!

[The twins look at each other and shrug.]

El: Are we supposed to know who you are?

Dev: Because we've never heard of you.

El: And that's a very bad sign.

Dev: For you, anyway.

El: You see...if you were anyone of any real importance, we would already know who you are.

Dev: ...and we don't.

El: You're completely obscure. Not even a footnote of a footnote.

Dev: And that does not bode well for you, I'm afraid to say.

Death Phantom: Then perhaps I am better known to you as The Death Phantom!

[The twins look to one another and shake their heads]

Dev: I'm sorry.

El: That doesn't ring any bells for us either.

Death Phantom: It matters not, insignificant mortals! You are but ants on a chessboard! An annoyance to be certain, but not enough to distract from the game!

Dev: [pouts] That isn't a very nice thing to say.

El: [shrugs] I've been called worse.

[points at Zoi who is still chained the pillar, breathing hard with agony]

Death Phantom: I AM WISEMAN! DEITY OF NEMESIS, BRINGER OF WISHES-

Dev: One moment-so sorry to interrupt, but the Shitennou doesn't really need to be here for this, does he?

El: Good point. [She casually flings her arm in Zoi's direction and he is engulfed in white hot flame, until the chains fall to the ground]

[The room darkens as the Death Phantom draws on his full power, the only light is from his eyes, which glow like the sun]

Death Phantom: You stupid girl! Do you have any idea what you have done!

El: [giggling] Why, yes. I believe I just took out the trash.

[The Death Phantom blasts her with enough energy to nearly send her flying through the concrete wall of the hotel. She splats like a bug, stopped only by a steel girder, which is bent perpendicular from the impact.]

Dev: CHAAA- [his voice dies into a croak as he regards his sister's body, half embedded into the solid steel, before puffing out his cheeks like an angry chipmunk and turning his glare to the Death Phantom] You'd better hope she's ok.

El: [still prone] Oh, don't worry. I've been hurt worse than this learning to ride a bicycle.

[The beam she is lying on bends back into shape with her still lying on it. Once it is perfectly straight she floats to the center of the lobby while the bits of plaster and drywall fly back into place, repairing the wall.]

[Dev teleports away and reappears floating back to back with his sister. She reaches for his hand and holds it in hers.]

Death Phantom: Prepare to be torn apart by the full force of my wrath!

El: Is that supposed to frighten us? Because I'll have you know, we've eaten scarier creatures than you for breakfast.

Dev: Literally.

El: And by literally, he means "literally." When we were babies, we used to eat demons.

Dev: And once we consume them, they are doomed to obey us in the afterlife.

[A deck of cards appears in his hand and he fans them out.]

Dev: Pick a card, dear sister. Any card.

El: I just can't chose. They all look so good.

[She waves her fingers and all the cards float out of Dev's hand, morphing into howling demonic phantasms.]

Dev: [He summons a flute and raises it to his lips.] Now prepare yourself for the full force of MY wrath.

[But before he can play a single note, the Death Phantom raises both hands and the phantasms all turn back into cards which burst into flames until they are completely blackened.]

[Dev and El watch with their mouths agape as black ash of the burnt cards fall like snow.]

El: Rude.

Death Phantom: You puny mortals have vexed me beyond all endurance. Prepare to suffer for your insolence as no mortal before you has suffered before.

[Violet, orange and green miasma swirls around the Death Phantom as his eyes once more glow like twin suns. A shockwave makes the ground shudder as a tsunami of pure dark energy is directed at the twins.]

[They clench hands and their eyes go white a moment before impact, but they make no effort to escape. The force of the attack washes over a shield in the shape of a bubble]

[Death Phantom staggers back, shaken, as the twins continue to float nonchalantly in midair.

Death Phantom: What? No living thing can withstand an attack of that magnitude!

El: And yet...we are still alive.

Death Phantom: [shaken] How...how is that possible?

El: Well...you see. There is a perfectly logical explanation.

[She points at Dev]

El: He's 50% Major God of Chaos.

Dev: And she's 50% Major God of Chaos.

El: Do the math.

Death Phantom: That...that cannot be right. I know the full Pantheon of Chaos, and you are not among us.

El: Yeah? Well...we're not from around here.

Death Phantom: [backing away] Who are you...what are you...you...don't belong here...I will look into your minds...sift through your essence...peek into your darkest fears your greatest desires...find the secret of how to unmake you...

Dev: [shrugs] It's not going to be that easy, but you're certainly welcome to try.

[The twins make eye contact with the Death Phantom]

Death Phantom: You're...IMPOSSIBLE!

El: So we've been told.

Dev: Many times, in fact.

El: [sighs] So impossible...In so many many different ways...

[They slowly sink through the air toward floor level]

Dev: But, it appears you might have figured out what we are.

El: Or who we are.

Dev: Which are two different things. But both must remain a secret, if we are to have any hope in succeeding in our mission.

El: And a secret isn't a secret if anyone knows it but us.

Dev: So I'm very sorry about this, but I'm afraid it is time for you to die.

[The twins clasp hands once more and their eyes glow with an unholy fire.]

Death Phantom: YOU CANNOT KILL ME! I AM A GOD!

[The twins jaws drop as they release each other's hand and turn to face each other.]

El: Did he just say that HE'S A GOD?

Dev: I do believe he did!

El: [hugs her brother] Oh, Dev! I do believe this is our lucky day!

[They press their foreheads together, grinning evilly, then break apart, turning to face the Death Phantom]

Dev: Nighty-night, Mr. Death Phantom.

[They two pull down their goggles as the God Gun materializes between their hands]

[A beam of white white light erupts and the Death Phantom screams as he swell like a balloon before bursting into fragments.]

The beam stops and the twins stand for a moment in stunned silent.]

El: We did it, Dev. The gun works. We've just killed our first god.


	15. RIP Wiseman

[Scene: the ruins of a hotel lobby. Dev stares at the tattered remains of the Death Phantom before picking up his sister and spinning her around.]

Dev: You beautiful genius. You've done the impossible. You've designed a weapon that can destroy a god. You're the sexiest mad scientist ever.

El: [giggling] Put me down!

Dev: Not until we do our victory dance.

[He sets her on her feet and they tango through the lobby, unmindful of their surroundings, until Dev dips El low and from her upside down vantage point she sees Neffy, Kunzite, and Jeddy staring at them.]

El: Oops.

Dev: [waves] Bye now.

[The twins teleport away]

Jeddy: What the hell was that all about?

Neffy: Where's Zoi?

Jeddy: Huh?

Neffy: [Frantically rushes to the charred pillar] He was here just a minute ago. Chained to this pillar by the Death Phantom. I was summoned here because he was being tortured nearly to the point of death. I can still smell his flesh burning

[Kunzite doesn't make a sound, but his eyes flicker as Neffy tugs at the chain around the pillar and see that it is unbroken.]

[Neffy gathers up a handful of ash and sinks to his knees with his face in his hands.

Neffy: HE'S DEAD! HALLELUJAH! I'M FREE! I'M FINALLY FREE!

[He raises his fists and howls at the ceiling like a running back who scored a game winning touchdown.]

Neffy: THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

[Kunzite walks over and whacks Neffy in the back of the head. Jeddy stirs at the shreds of the Death Phantom, gently, with one toe]

Jeddy: The Death Phantom is...dead...but...isn't that impossible?

Neffy: [To Kunzite] Hahaha! Hit me all you want! Now that your Wifey-boy is dead and I'm no longer cursed, there is nothing you can do that you can do wipe this smile from my face!

Jeddy: [holding up bits of the Death Phantom] Um, guys? Can we stop obsessing over Zoi for a minute and look at the bigger picture?

Kunzite: [shoves Neffy] Nephrite, is this your idea of a joke?

Neffy: [grinning] No. Oh no. The Death Phantom was torturing Wifey-boy. He forced me to lure you two back here so he can kill us all. Next thing I know, we're here, both Wifey-boy and the Death Phantom are dead, and a pair of teenagers are waltzing in their remains.

Jeddy: [drops the shreds] _The Death Phantom is dead._ The completely-unkillable-up-until-now Death Phantom? And this doesn't bother anybody?

Kunzite: [Backhands Neffy] Do a divination! Find Zoisite!

[Neffy just laughs in his face. Kunzite lifts him by the lapels and summons an energy blade]

Neffy: Go ahead and kill me. I might as well die happy, because nothing is ever going to top this.

[Kunzite shoves the blade under Neffy's chin and Neffy just laughs harder]

Jeddy: Oh, forget it, you two. I'm getting Beryl.

[Teleports away and reappears a moment later with Beryl]

Beryl: What is the meaning of this? Boys! Stop this foolish dickwaving at once and tell me what is going on here!

[Neffy and Kunzite stop their quarreling and give Beryl their full attention. She looks at Wiseman's remains and goes pale]

Beryl: What just happened here?

Kunzite: Zoisite-

Beryl: [snarls, exposing her fangs] To hell with Zoisite! Are you so besotted with him that you don't see the danger you've dragged me into?

[She summons a scepter with a huge crystal globe. She raises it and the ruined lobby glows red, except for light magic residue sparkling near the Death Phantom, and door shaped shadows of Dark Magic on the walls.]

Beryl: There were exits here that have been sealed off with dark magic, but I sense nothing beyond them.

Jeddy: I'll unseal them for you.

Neffy: No. Wait, you fool-

[Jeddy zaps the wall with energy and the doors reappear. They are open, and a crowd of people are pressed together on the other side of the thresholds. They are frozen in place, their faces masks of horror, their hands raised as if try to claw their way out.]

Jeddy: What's happening?

[Kunzite, as the tallest of them, can see over the heads of the crowd to the tableau beyond. He scans the room for Zoi, and stares, wide-eyed, past the crowd of people to the flames and bits of fallen debris that are also frozen in place. Everyone in the room appears like statues, all desperate to escape, except four figures in the center of the room: Zoi's mother, encased in ice, Zoi's father, looking overwhelmed, Mamoru Chiba, who is lying in a pool of blood, and Usagi Tsukino, who seems almost serene as she cradles his head in her lap and looks down at him with big worried eyes.]

[The flames flicker, and the crowd surges every so slightly]

[Kunzite casts sheer barricades of energy across the doorways]

Kunzite: Stay back. Someone has created a pocket dimension, presumably to rescue these people, and placed this chamber outside the normal time continuum. The dimension is rapidly collapsing, and these people will resume whatever it was they were doing before time stopped for them.

Jeddy: And by someone you mean Wiseman?

Kunzite: [shakes his head solemnly] The Death Phantom doesn't have this kind of power.


	16. Zoi Doesn't Get a Birthday This Year

[Scene: A hotel lobby, in front of a burning ballroom that has been frozen in time. Beryl and the Shitennou are watching the room through sheer barricades of dark magic. Slowly, time resumes in fits and jerks and then the crowd inside surges toward the exit.]

Kunzite: [eyes glowing white, extinguishing the flames] ATTENTION EVERYONE! THERE HAS BEEN A MINOR EXPLOSION CAUSED BY A RUPTURED GAS LINE, BUT THE DANGER HAS PAST AND THERE IS NO NEED TO PANIC!

[The crowd becomes still and quiet at Kunzite's hypnotic suggestion. You can hear sirens.]

Jeddy: Great.

Beryl: This place is going to be crawling with firefighters in about three minutes. Which isn't nearly as delightful as it sounds.

Kunzite: Then we need to work fast. [To Beryl] Use your dark healing magic to heal any human who is gravely wounded. [To Jeddy] There are many who are unconscious, and therefore untouched by my mind control. Restore their energy, then use your powers of illusion to rewrite their memories. [grabs Neffy by the arm and steers him toward Zoi's parents] Come. We need to find Zoisite.

Neffy: I'm telling you, he burned up!

[They walk up to Zoi's parents. Zoi's father seems unable to decide whether to assist Zoi's mother, who is as still as a statue with her mouth open and her arm raised, or Mamoru, who looks dangerously close to bleeding out. He steps toward Mamoru, but Kunzite stops him.]

Kunzite: What happened here?

Chief Midori: There was a ruptured gas line. It caused a minor explosion. But the danger is past, so there is no need to panic. [looks at Neffy, who is chuckling into his hand] Why is this funny?

Neffy: Because my brother is a idiot. [Kunzite gives him a steely gaze] Maybe you should have thought to ask your questions *before* you worked your mojo, that's all I'm saying.

[Kunzite gives him a dismissive look before snapping his fingers in front of Zoi's mother, bringing her out of suspended animation.]

Renee: [grabs Kunzite in a fit of hysterics] WHERE IS MY SON! WHERE IS MY SON!

Giancarlo: [places his arms around her to sooth her] Renee. Be calm. Think of the baby-

Renee: [shrugs him away like an ugly coat] NO! WHERE IS MY SON!

Kunzite: Look at me, Mrs. Cappelli. [his eyes glow white] Everything is going to be okay as long as you lower your voice and remain calm-

Renee: [grabs his lapels] DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMAIN CALM AFTER SOME GIANT GHOST ATTACKED MY CHILD!

Giancarlo: A giant ghost? [takes her into his arms] Renee, cara mia, I think you should lie down.

[Jeddy rushes over and flings a handful of magical energy at her skull]

Renee: NO! Not until I find out what that thing did with my son!

[Neffy and Kunzite exchange glances and communicate telepathically.]

Kunzite: *I'd forgotten that Zoisite's immunity to mind magic stems from her genetic mutation.*

Neffy: *That's right. Mind control doesn't work on her.*

Jeddy: *We are just going to have to kill her.*

[Kunzite snarls at Jeddy]

Kunzite: *We are NOT killing my mother-in-law!*

[Neffy looks over at Beryl who is crouching over Mamoru, while Usagi looks up at her with pleading eyes. She steps away, and Mamoru is still bleeding and unconscious.]

Neffy: *Shouldn't you be patching him up a lot better than that?*

Beryl: *I can't. For the same reason I couldn't heal Zoi up fully. His blood is laced with White Magic. To heal him fully, I'd have to stop his heart and overwhelm him with Dark Energy, but that would take up too much time and energy, the effects would be permanent, and people would notice. Best to simply get him stable and wait for him to recover on his own.*

Kunzite: [Takes hold of Renee and drains her energy just enough to make her listless.] Renee, listen to me. I want you to tell me everything that you think just happened here.

Renee: There was a surprise party. We brought Zoi here and he got upset and told everyone to leave. I thought he was just throwing a fit since he didn't want a party, but then this huge ghost appeared, but nobody seemed to notice it except for me and Zoi. He said it was the "Death Phantom" and it came to kill everyone unless he took an oath of obedience. And then he started throwing fireballs around-

Jeddy: The Death Phantom was throwing fireballs?

Renee: No. Zoi...my son was throwing fireballs...my son...was throwing fireballs...My god, you're right. I'm losing my mind.

[Giancarlo pulls up a chair for her and she sinks into it.]

Beryl: It's ok. This is perfectly normal for a woman in her third trimester who has just suffered a terrible shock. Please go on.

Renee: Why? It's all nonsense.

Beryl: It helps to talk it out.

Renee: All the doors vanished and that thing came after my son, but I threw myself in front of him and everything went black. That's all I remember.

Neffy: Did you see any teenagers?

Renee: This is a sweet sixteen party. Of course I saw teenagers!

Neffy: A pair of kids in coveralls and goggles.

Renee: Should I have?

[Kunzite wanders away without another word. Beryl, the Shitennou and Chief Midori follow after him.]

Chief Midori: The nonsense she was spouting, it is all true, isn't it.

[Kunzite doesn't answer. He just gives him a blank stare.]

Chief Midori: My son. Is he-

Neffy: Dead? Yes, Pops. I'm afraid so.


	17. Morality By Fate

Chief Midori: My son is dead? But you can bring him back again, right?

Neffy: That is a "NO" with a capital "N-O" there, Pops. Your son was a Shitennou, and once a Shitennou dies, they stay dead forever.

Chief Midori: Some evil god killed my son? And you made me forget it? [Grabs Kunzite in a fit of rage] Give me back my memories, you son of a bitch!

[Kunzite narrows his eyes and gives Chief Midori a feral glare.]

Neffy: Oh, you might want to keep it down if you want to confine the damage control to just the people in this room. [Points to Umino and Naru seated on the floor, talking into a phone]

Umino: Where are you...you're missing all the excitement...there was this big gas explosion...Mamoru was hurt pretty bad...No, he's NOT ok... and your Dad and Kunzite are fighting about something...bummer that all this had to happen on your birthday-

[Kunzite and Chief Midori exchange glances then run over to Umino. Chief Midori grabs the phone from his hand.]

Umino: Hey!

Chief Midori: Zoi?

Zoi's Voice: Dad? What's going on? Why didn't you wake me up?

Chief Midori: Son? [grins with relief] You're alive.

Zoi's Voice: Of course I'm alive. Why is it so dark out?

Kunzite: [grabs the phone from Chief Midori] Zoisite? Where are you?

Zoi's Voice: I'm in my room. Where are you?

[Umino and Naru's eyes go wide as Neffy and Kunzite teleport away]

[In Zoi's room]

[Zoi is standing by the window, dressed in his underpants. He is looking up at the night sky with a look of dread on his face. The bed is unmade and the suit he wore is lying crumpled on the floor near the bed.]

[Kunzite and Neffy appear. Zoi turns to face them, but before he can say a word, Kunzite gathers him into his arms and holds him tight.]

Kunzite: [voice breaking] You're alive.

Zoi: Of course I'm alive. Why wouldn't I be alive?

Kunzite: [clutching Zoi close] Nephrite told me he saw you burn to death.

Zoi: Yeah? Well Neffy has a weird sense of humor.

[Kunzite just stands there holding Zoi tight. Neffy picks up up Zoi's shoes from the floor and looks at the soles. He picks up his pants and looks at them as well. Then he drops them and walks over to Zoi and rubs his calf and then grabs his ankle and lifts his foot.]

Zoi: HEY! [kicks Neffy] What do you think you are doing?

Neffy: Kunzite. I don't mean to alarm you, but I don't think that is the real Zoi.

Zoi: What is that supposed to mean!

[Kunzite holds Zoi tighter and glares at Neffy]

Neffy: I DID see the Death Phantom burn Zoi at the stake. I jumped into the pyre and tried to save him. The pain was excruciating, but because of that pesky little curse, I had no choice but to just stand there like a fool and get burned along with him.

Zoi: Curse? What curse?

Neffy: [gives Zoi a venomous glare] The Death Phantom explained this to you.

Zoi: When?

Neffy: Right before he set you-or should I say, the real Zoi- on fire. This just proves my point that you are an imposter.

Zoi: What the hell are you talking about? I'm not an imposter!

Kunzite: [narrows his eyes at Neffy] He's not an imposter. You think I don't know my own husband?

Neffy: Well, thanks to you and your pesky little curse, Kunzite, there is one surefire way to find out.

[He conjures up a sword and before either Kunzite or Zoi can react, he attempts to lop off Zoi's head.]

[He swings, but the sword stops a hairbreadth from Zoi's neck.]

Neffy: It's him alright. [dispels the sword]

Zoi: OH MY GOD! YOU JUST TRIED TO CUT OFF MY HEAD!

[Jeddy appears]

Jeddy: Gee, thanks, you two. Nothing like being left all alone to wipe away the memories of my two brothers vanishing into thin air just moments after I finished brainwashing everyone.

[They ignore him]

Neffy: He was wearing that suit. He was wearing those shoes. I watched him burn, and he hasn't gotten so much of a sunburn or a speck of ash on him.

Jeddy: What's going on?

Zoi: I don't know! I haven't even gotten dressed yet! I've been in bed all day!

Neffy: You've been in bed all day?

Zoi: Don't look so shocked! I didn't oversleep by that much! It's only 9am, for pity's sake!

Kunzite: It's 9pm.

Zoi: 9...p...m...? [He looks out the window] That would explain why it is dark out, but- I don't understand. It's my birthday, isn't it. Why did everyone let me sleep the entire day away?

[Looks over at the alarm clock and sees the Faberge Egg Kunzite gave him]

Zoi: Kunzite? Is that a Faberge Egg? Why is there a Faberge Egg on my nightstand?

[Kunzite looks at Zoi, his eyes large with concern]

Kunzite: You don't remember getting out of bed this morning. You don't remember getting attacked by the Death Phantom. You don't even remember getting into bed, do you?

Zoi: [sweating] No. I don't.

Kunzite: Zoisite. What is the last thing you remember?

Zoi: I was with you, in the Dark Kingdom. We were talking about my birthday. I asked if I could open my present, and you said I had to wait until my birthday. Then you counted down. 3...2...1. The next thing I know, I'm in bed in my underwear and Naru's calling me, asking me where I am-Kunzite, why didn't you let me open my present?


	18. Divination

[scene: Zoi's room]

Kunzite: Zoisite, I'm going to need you to get back in bed and lie down.

Zoi: No! Why! I need to kn-

[Kunzite grabs hold of him and drains his energy, then lays him on the bed, and turns his back on him.]

Kunzite: Jadeite, get Beryl. Tell her to stop whatever she is doing and bring her to Nephrite's mansion, without hesitation. We need to do a divination.

Jeddy: What about Zoi? Shouldn't he be there too?

Kunzite: Zoisite remains here, asleep in his own bed, until we determine why he cannot remember anything that happened today.

Jeddy: Obviously someone tampered with his memories.

Kunzite: His mind can't be tampered with. Not even by Mother.

Neffy: The whole reason the Death Phantom wanted him as his pet is because he is immune to mind magic.

Jeddy: Oh right. [shrugs] Then he's been asleep this whole time, and that other guy was the imposter.

Neffy: Except, if that had been an imposter, the curse wouldn't have been dragged me into the flames to save him.

Jeddy: It's either that, or he suffered a bump on the head that gave him amnesia.

Kunzite: Going back to midnight? Pacific Standard Time? Precisely to the second? I was with him. There was nothing that would explain his memories stopping at precisely that moment.

Jeddy: Then he did it to himself. The battle with the Death Phantom might have been so traumatic that he repressed the memory of ever having a birthday.

Neffy: Then who healed him and repaired his clothing?

[jeffy ponders this]

Jeddy: ...I'll go get Beryl...and meet you at the mansion.

[A few minutes later, in the secret planetarium of Neffy's Palo Alto mansion. Neffy concentrates intently as starlight dances between his hands. Above the ceiling shows the illusion of a starry sky. The others watch in a row slightly behind him.]

Neffy: The stars see all. The stars know all.

Beryl: *Shouldn't Metalia be here for this, too?*

Kunzite: *Until we know exactly what we are dealing with, we shouldn't bother Mother with any of this.*

Jeddy: *As someone who just got back from The Hotel-Time-Forgot, which is currently decorated with Death-Phantom-Confetti. I think Mother is going to want to be bothered with this.*

Beryl: *I agree. The Death Phantom was murdered. That should concern mother greatly.*

Kunzite: *Silence. The Divination is starting.*

Neffy: Come forth Astraea, the Celestial Virgin, and share with us your unearthly wisdom.

[The Constellation Virgo glows, forming the outline of an ancient greek maiden with cruel eyes, wearing chaste robes and holding a scale in her hands, the outline comes to ghostly life]

Astraea: I am the all-seeing avatar of Astraea, protector of natural order, she who stand in silent judgement of humanity from afar, and awaits mankind's end so she might return to her planet. What is your bidding, Nephrite, Servant of the Chaos?

[Beryl steps in front of Neffy.]

Beryl: Tell us what happened to the Death Phantom?

Astraea: He was slain.

Neffy: Irrevocably?

Astraea: Indeed.

Beryl: How is that possible?

Astraea: In the Age of the Titans, Gods were slain routinely. All but a few of the instruments of their destruction were scattered and lost.

Beryl: The Silver Crystal?

Astraea: [nods sagely] The Illusionary Silver Crystal is forged into a weapon by the two beings that currently call themselves Eleanor and Devon Heltry, and used to destroy the Death Phantom.

Beryl: Why? To what end?

Astraea: Their motives are their own, Daughter of Chaos. I can't scry into their minds, not sift the truth from their many lies. I am all-seeing, but not all knowing. I can provide you with facts, but you must draw your own conclusions.

Beryl: What sort of a weapon?

Astraea: A laser that uses the Silver Crystal to generate a beam of Light Magic, capable of destroying any creature made of Dark Matter.

Beryl: Powerful enough to harm the Major Goddess of Chaos, Metalia?

Astraea: It is capable of destroying the Major Goddess Metalia without difficulty. Indeed, they have repeatedly stated an intention to do so.


	19. The Stars See All

[Scene: The planetarium in Neffy's mansion. The Celestial Seeress Astraea has informed Beryl and the Shitennou of Dev and El's intentions to kill Metalia.]

Jeddy: So you're saying there are a pair of White-Light Do-gooders running around determined to wipe out the Pantheon of Chaos?

Astraea: Doubtful. The beings that call themselves the "Heltry Twins" are Children of Chaos themselves, made up Dark Energy.

Beryl: Then they obviously wish to usurp us! And take our place as the rightful rulers as the new Incarnations of Darkness! Who are they?

Astraea: That is too broad of a question for me to attempt to answer.

Beryl: [narrows her eyes like a serpent] Then tell me where have they come from!

Astraea: As far as I can see, they originated from the moon.

Neffy: Are you saying they were reborn from their extinction, like the moon guardians?

Astraea: They are not like the Moon Guardians. They sprang into being, fully formed, on the surface of Earth's Moon, during the fall of the Silver Millennium.

Beryl: How?

Astraea: That is impossible for me to determine.

Jeddy: So much for the stars knowing all.

[Jeddy yelps as Neffy slaps him on the back of the head]

Kunzite: Why does Zoisite Midori have no memory of anything that happened today?

Astraea: The being that calls herself Eleanor Heltry hypnotized him into purging those memories.

Kunzite: But...that's impossible.

Astraea: Clearly, it is not.

Beryl: Enough with Zoisite! Show me how these two came into being!

[The scene above Astraea shifts from a starry night to what looks like a computerized heads up display, showing a silent clip of Dev and El with blue and pink tinted hair waist-long hair, appearing on the moon and stealing the Silver Crystal]

Beryl: So that is what they look like, I was the only one who hadn't seen them yet.

Kunzite: Their hair is different now. Shorter, darker.

Beryl: [under her breath] hmmm...the boy is not bad looking...

[Jeddy gives her a hurt look]

Neffy: [chuckles an aside to Jeddy] Sorry, buddy. She's got a type. And you look just a little bit too "legal" to be off any interest to her.

Kunzite: [stares and blinks impassively] They're time travellers.

Jeddy: Are you sure?

[Kunzite points to Dev's t-shirt]

Kunzite: I don't think Pink Floyd was doing that much touring during the time of Robin Hood.

Neffy: Time travel. Isn't that impossible?

Jeddy: What do you mean? Kunzite travels into the past all the time. Don't you, Kunzite?

Kunzite: Yes and no. I can use pocket dimensions to create windows into the past. I don't open these windows and crawl through them the way these two do.

Jeddy: Why not?

Kunzite: Because up until now, I didn't think it was possible.

Neffy: The word impossible seems to be cropping up quite a lot lately, isn't it?

Beryl: I've heard enough. I'm notifying Metalia.

[She turns to sashay away]

Jeddy: I'm coming too. [Follows after her]

Kunzite: I would wait, if I were you. We don't know what we are up against.

[Beryl turns, scowling, with her hands on her hips.]

Beryl: Yes, Metalia has no idea that she is in any danger, and that is why she needs to be informed, immediately!

Kunzite: I recommend we stay and learn everything we can until we are certain of how we should fight these two.

Beryl: What! That is madness, Kunzite! Worst case-we wait here and Metalia is slain! Second worst case, Metalia is not slain, and discovers that we knew she was in danger, and failed to warn her!

[Beryl turns and she and Jeddy continue walking. Neffy gives Kunzite a look, uncertain if they should follow.]

Beryl: Astraea. What are the current whereabout of the Greater Goddess Metalia?

Astraea: She is in her residence in Washington DC.

Kunzite: Is she alone, well, and not in any perceivable danger?

Astraea: The answer is yes to all of these questions.

Kunzite: And you can alert us if that changes.

Astraea: If you wish.

Beryl: Don't bother. We are going there now.

Kunzite: I really think you should wait until after the divination.

Beryl: And you know what I think? I think you might be more interested in protecting these two little brats than you are in protecting Metalia!

Kunzite: [a bit flummoxed] What. No. How could you even think such a thing?

Beryl: Maybe because it appears they've permanently freed your husband Zoisite from the clutches of the Death Phantom, after Metalia refused to!

Neffy: *Bingo* Give this girl a kewpie doll.

[Kunzite regains his poise]

Kunzite: Very well, by all means inform Mother. In fact it might be wise to divide our efforts. It will spare both Nephrite and I the trouble of facing Mother with this news, since I insist he remain here and complete the divination.

Beryl: Good. Then we are all in agreement-

Kunzite: But I must say it is very brave of you, Jadeite, to volunteer to play the Bearer of Ill Tidings, so soon after Mother ordered the Death Phantom to kill both you and Nephrite, just to test the limits of his determination enslave Zoisite.

[Kunzite crosses his arms and smirks]

Kunzite: But, hey. These two little kids look harmless enough. I'm sure you should be able to handle yourselves just fine if Mother decides to sacrifice a couple of us, just to learn the full extend of these "impossible children's" powers. [grins wider] Personally, I prefer to take a more cautious approach.

[Beryl and Jeddy stop, exchanged uneasy looks, then do an about-face and rejoin the others.]

Beryl: [To Astraea] You will stop the divination and inform us of the very moment you sense any peril to the Greater Goddess Metalia?

Astraea: If that is your wish, Daughter of Chaos.

Beryl: It is.

Neffy: Shall we continue the divination?

Kunzite: [still smirking] I think I speak for us all when I say "By all means, proceed."

[The room dims once more as Beryl and Jeddy stand there scowling and uneasy.]

Beryl: [scowling at a very smug looking Kunzite] Marriage has changed you. And not for the better.


	20. Born That Way

[Scene: Neffy's mansion during a divination with the Celestial Seeress Astraea.]

Neffy: Astraea, Show us all the arcane statistics you know about these Heltry Twins.

Astraea: Here is what I am able to determine.

[The display switches to what looks like a computer monitor. At the tops are the images of Dev and El. First with their pastel tinted hair waist length hair in jeans and t-shirts, then to an image of them with waist-length honey blond hair and wrapped in bathtowel, then morphing to the image of the two of them in their current Hentai High incarnations.]

[Below the images is a printout of stats in Dark Kingdom hieroglyphics.]

NAME: ~~~~~~~(?)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(WREN)?

ALIAS: ~~~~~~~ANN, ELEANOR HELTRY, El~~~~~AIL, DEVON HELTRY, DEV

POWER LEVEL: ~~.51769 DIOS~~~~~~~~~~~~~.51769 DIOS

ELEMENT: ~~~~~~PHYSICS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MUSIC

SPECIES: ~~~~~~~PREVIOUSLY UNKNOWN RACE OF DARK ENERGY BEING

POWER SOURCE: ~~DARK ENERGY, SORCERY

RELATIONSHIP: ~~~BIOLOGICAL SIBLINGS

[Neffy studies the aliases]

Neffy: Cute. On the moon they were playing at being AliAnns, now they are playing at being DevEls.

Beryl: But they are neither, I assume. What form of being are they most similar to?

Astraea: They are beings comprised of dark energy, and that regard they are extremely similar to the Shitennou in both composition and ability.

Beryl: Except they are not Shitennou?

Astraea: They do not contain soulstones.

Neffy: They don't have souls?

Astraea: They do have souls. They don't have soulstones.

Jeddy: But that's impo- So how did whoever made them keep their souls intact when they were made into energy without using soulstones?

Astraea: It would appear Dark Energy is their native form.

Neffy: Oh, that's just creepy.

Beryl: So the boy's true name is Wren?

Astraea: Unknowable. The girl has called him that more than once, much to his seeming consternation. But a Wren is a species of songbird, unique to this planet, so it is likely this is a nickname.

Jeddy: And we know it is Wren, with a W, and not Ren, short for something like Renfield?

Astraea: No we do not.

Kunzite: [under his breath] Wren...Wren...Why do I have a vague feeling I have heard that name before? [he studies the images]...Seeress Astraea. Could you stop and focus in the images of them as blonds.

Astraea: Of course, Kunzite Son of Chaos.

[The display zooms in on the two images of them wrapped in towels with long wet honey-blond hair down to their waists.]

[Kunzite stares at it in stony silence]

Beryl: [places a hand on his shoulder] What is it, Kunzite? Do you see a clue to their true natures?

[Kunzite doesn't answer.]

Beryl: Kunzite? [She turns to look at him and sees he is just standing there with a goofy grin on his face.]

Beryl: ACCK! [gasps in outrage, then summons her spectre and uses it to smack him] YOU PERVERT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A HAPPILY MARRIED MAN!

Kunzite: I AM...but you must admit they look rather appealing as blonds...especially the girl...when she smiles...

[Beryl gives him some side eye]

Neffy: [laughing] Appears we gave Kunzite too much credit for his motives for wanting to spare this pair. You'd better hope Wifey-Boy never find out about this.

Kunzite: I'll have you know my devotion and loyalty to Zoisite is absolute.

Jeddy: Frankly, I don't see it. They just look weird to me. Like their eyes are all messed up or something.

[He goes back to reading their stats and his brow furrows]

Jeddy: Wait a minute. Their power level is only a .51769?

Astraea: Correct, Jadeite son of Chaos.

Jeddy: But the Death Phantom couldn't take these two down?

Astraea: That has been proven.

Jeddy: That doesn't make any sense. My power level is about a .53, so Kunzite and Beryl must be a .7, at least, and I'm fair sure The Death Phantom could have mopped the floor with the both of them.

Astraea: Kunzite's current power level is .57868. Which is only slightly eclipsed by Beryl's current power level at .57977, while Nephrite's is at .55765

[Jeddy stares in disbelief]

Jeddy: So you are saying the rest of them are only a little more powerful than I am?

Neffy: No. the rest of us are considerably more powerful than you are.

Astraea: Correct. Power levels rise on a logarithmic scale. The Death Phantom was about a 1 in his heyday, more or less. Metalia is about a 1.3. Which makes her probably the most powerful being in the known universe, by far

[Jeddy blinks without comprehension]

Kunzite: It's like earthquakes. A 7.0 earthquake is significantly more powerful than a 6.5, and far more deadly than two 3.5 combined.

[Jeddy shakes his head as if to clear it]

Beryl: Think of raising your power in terms of climbing a mountain that gets a hundred times more steep at the top than at the bottom...That is why we are able to gain power so quickly in the beginning before we master our abilities, but tail off as we reach our potential.

Jeddy: Oh...ok...that almost makes sense...but it just proves my point! How did a pair who are vastly weaker than we are manage to take out a minor god like the Death Phantom?

Astraea: At the time, the Death Phantom's power was insufficient to overcome their defensive magic.

Beryl: [Comprehension dawns] The power of the Silver Crystal...

Astraea: Is an anathema to them. It did not factor into their defenses at all.


	21. The Impossible Children

[Scene: Neffy's mansion during a divination with the Celestial Seeress Astraea.]

Kunzite: They must have gotten the drop on him. Snuck up and used the element of surprise to take him out before he even knew they were there.

Astraea: No. They did not. They challenged the Death Phantom to a fight, and then held their own against him until they drew the weapon they created and ultimately defeated him.

Jeddy: But how could they defend themselves when their power levels are so low?

Beryl: That's an excellent question. Astraea, show us everything that happened after those two... whatever-they-are...arrived at the hotel.

[The Shitennou look up as the ceiling shows the Heltry twins appear out of thin air into the ballroom where Zoi's friends and family are trapped. As the mayhem unfolds, the twins look at one another and shrug. Then they hold hands and their eyes glow pink and then white. A shimmering bubble seems to engulf the room. Slowly, all movement in the room slows, as if the air is congealing into jello.]

[Beryl watches with a look of utter dismay]

Neffy: This is bad.

Beryl: They are somehow able to create pocket dimensions that can distort time. If they manage to trap us in one of these pocket dimensions, it will be as if time has stopped,so we would be completely at their mercy.

Kunzite: [watches them walk past the now immobilized humans] Especially since they seem to be immune to its effects.

[They phase right through the wall and into where Zoisite is being burned at the stake, while Neffy tries in vain to free him. Kunzite's eyes glisten with pain at the sight of it.]

The twins wait until Neffy is gone before revealing themselves, with a wave of Eleanor's hand, Zoi is engulfed in flames.]

Kunzite: What happened there?

Astraea: She teleported Zoisite Midori back to his bedroom. The flames were purely decorative, presumably summoned for misdirection.

Neffy: Interesting. Why did she go to all that trouble to spare Wifey-boy, when she could have easily just let him die?

Jeddy: You could ask the same about why they spared the humans in the ballroom.

Neffy: Except the humans are hapless civilians, and Zoi is an enemy combatant in a war against Metalia.

Jeddy: They probably didn't know Zoi is a Shitennou. I mean, how would they? It's not like Zoi was around during our glory days.

Astraea: They know he is a Shitennou. They have referred to him several times as a Shitennou in conversation.

Neffy: Then shouldn't they have gotten rid of Kunzite's yippity little lapdog when they had the chance? [under his breath] I know I would have.

Beryl: You do make an interesting point. Astraea. Show us everything you know about them! In chronological order from their first appearance in the Earthly Realm to the present time

Astraea: That would take months.

Beryl: Then summarize! Tell me anything that you think might be of interest to me, and I will decide what I want to see.

Astraea: Very well, Daughter of Chaos. They materialized on the Moon, one thousand years ago, and stole the Silver Crystal-

Beryl: Yes, yes, we already saw that. Get to the parts I don't already know.

Astraea: They created a portal using Dark Magic, and went through it, vanishing from existence.

Jeddy: Where did they go?

Astraea: I can not say with certainty, but their next sighting was in Malibu, California in 1991, where they materialized wearing the same attire and holding the Silver Crystal. They fed, bathed, altered their appearance, and then created another portal, which they vanished through before appearing in Hen Tie, in September of this year. And it is in Hen Tie they have remained, this entire time.

Jeddy: You said they fed? What did they feed on? Or would I rather not know?

Astraea: They ate fried chicken. And Mashed potatoes. With gravy.

Jeddy: [wide eyed] Fried chicken? Where did they get the fried chicken?

Astraea: From a cardboard bucket. From a restaurant called KFC, which had recently changed it's name from 'Kentucky Fried Chicken'-

Beryl: That hardly matters!

Neffy: The hell it doesn't. They doesn't sound like any Dark Energy creature I've ever heard of. They steal the most powerful artifact in existence then go home and pig out on junk food? Are you sure these aren't actual human teenagers?

Beryl: Don't be stupid! How could a pair of paltry humans summon enough dark energy to create a door that would take them 1000 years into the future?

Jeddy: That's what I want to know! Kunzite's studied time travel for centuries, and he can't mess around in time like this. And he is a hell of a lot more powerful than they are!

Kunzite: Not everything is about study and power levels. Knowledge, training, and discipline also come into play...and the fact that their Aspects are 'Physics' and 'Music' doesn't hurt either.

Jeddy: Oh?

Kunzite: The Laws of Physics are building blocks of the universe. A person with sufficient skill in dark magic and a intuitive gift for physics is better prepared to harness the forces of reality.

Neffy: [under his breath] Sounds like the boy got the short end of the stick on that one.

Kunzite: Not at all. Music is the intuitive ability to harness sound waves and use them to manipulate thoughts and emotions...In other words, she can control 'things' while he can control 'people'...And while he might lack his sister's knowledge, I'm willing to bet he is leagues ahead of her when it comes to insight... These two...working together ...without conflict...

Beryl: Should still not be powerful enough to defeat a minor god of chaos! Much less destroy one! A shield made of cardboard cannot stop a high caliber bullet! No matter how well constructed it is!

Neffy: Actually-

[Beryl gives him a stern look and he goes quiet and makes a zipping motion across his lips]

Beryl: If the Silver Crystal is not a factor then someone is helping them! Someone grotesquely powerful! Astraea, who are they working for?


	22. Children's Crusade

[Scene: Neffy's mansion during a divination with the Celestial Seeress Astraea.]

Astraea: They have made frequent references to someone they refer to as "Big Daddy", but he has yet to make any contact with them.

Neffy: "Big Daddy?" What is he? Their pimp?

Astraea: Unknown. I see no evidence that he actually exists within this dimension. From the way they speak of him, it appears he is something of a father figure, who adopted them with the intention of grooming them to assassinate The Greater Goddess Metalia. But again, their word is unreliable since it is impossible to sift the truth from their many falsehoods.

Beryl: What do they say about him in private? When they are certain they aren't being overhead?

Astraea: They spoke of him protecting them from a youma sent by Metalia to murder them when they were too young to use magic, but I see no evidence that she did any such thing.

Neffy: Likely because it happened in a different dimension. One that the light from our stars does not penetrate.

Beryl: Show us every reference they've ever made to this "Big Daddy" of theirs. And anything else that might provide a clue to their origins, for that matter.

[The ceiling shows a montage of clips-Dev and El standing outside the school agreeing on cover story that they are British transfer student raised by their father, with their mother dying in childbearing. Dev and El talking about the consequences of failing their mission. Dev insisting he wasn't related to Fiore, since he knew all his relative and he was certain Fiore wasn't one of them. Dev pointing out to El how they were taught combat and magic and fed tales of the Silver Crystal to encourage them to plot Metalia's demise...]

Jeddy: [ponders thoughtfully] You know...I'm really starting to agree with Kunzite...

Kunzite: About what?

Jeddy: About that sassy little redhead...she is kinda hot...I didn't see it at first, but she's really starting to grow on me...

[Kunzite chuckles and Beryl's jaw drops]

Beryl: What! That skinny little thing! She has no curves!

Jeddy: You're not looking in the same places I'm looking...check out that itty-bitty waist and those long shapely legs...and that sexy shimmy of hers...[sways his hips and shoulders in an exaggerated hula]..."Hey, baby hey,baby"...Man, I could spend a week's vacation in that thigh-gap of hers...

[Beryl looks like she's tasting bile]

Kunzite: Personally, I find this pair far more fetching as blondes.

Jeddy: Yes, well we all know what your type is! I like my women flame-haired and even sassier...[watches El berate her brother] ...man oh man, that is one hot little firecracker... I'm sure she could teach me a few fun games involving some handcuffs, a riding crop, whipped cream and a female nazi prison guard uniform.

[Beryl shakes her head from side to side]

Neffy: Could we stop ogling our enemies for a moment and focus on the true purpose of this divination? This scrying does take a toll on the caster.

Jeddy: Oh, right. Sorry.

Kunzite: Yes. Of course.

Beryl: Thank you!

[They continue to watch, laughing maliciously as they watch the twins destroy Mamoru Chiba's car with a baseball bat.]

Kunzite: I really do think it would be a waste not to at least try to coax them into joining us.

Neffy: I really doubt that is going to work.

Beryl: I agree. Their repeated goal is to murder Metalia. Even if they manage to earn our trust, they would likely do so as a pretense to get closer to killing her.

Kunzite: But we don't yet know their motives, and therefore we don't know the likelihood of a truce.

Jeddy: But they've said-

Kunzite: It doesn't matter what they've said. They lie constantly. Even to each other. They use their aliases, even in private.

Jeddy: Maybe those aren't aliases? Maybe those are their real names.

Kunzite: "Dev" and "El"? Those are aliases. They must know there is a chance they are being spied upon so they are watching what they say.

Neffy: The best lies contain a grain of truth... I've spent the most time of all us studying humans, and although these two are not humans, they are far more human-like than us in our behavior. The boy seems coldblooded, but the girl's face is as good as a polygraph. There are common themes that make her emotional- a mother giving up her life to save her children. A father adopting them when they were tiny and only pretending to love them. Add in the remarks about them being the only two of their kind, and being adopted after the boy had his skull crushed trying to protect his sister from their "father" and I think it's pretty easy to connect the dots here...some white lighter found this pair of orphaned hellspawn in some far off demon dimension, and rather than exterminate them, he raised them as his own, while brainwashed them into taking on a suicide mission against Metalia.

Jeddy: Except brainwashing little kids and sending them on suicide missions isn't the sort of thing White Lighters do. Didn't the boy say their father would take a belt to their bottoms if they failed to kill Metalia?

Beryl: Yes, but the girl confirmed he's never used corporal punishment in the past, which certainly does make him sound like a White Lighter. I think Nephrite might be onto something.

Jeddy: I'm telling you, Children's Crusades are not really the White Light style! I should know. I used to do things like that in my religious fanatic days, when I used to think I was a White Lighter, but I've come to realize that that sort of thing is its own special kind of evil.

Beryl: Not necessarily. These two are a totally alien race, so there might be something inherent in their nature that makes their eventual extermination inevitable. A White Lighter might exploit that as a justification to get some good out of them. At the very least.


End file.
